1 00:01:15,335 --> 00:01:17,803 Tell me, General. Where's the hotline? 2 00:01:17,975 --> 00:01:20,443 - Which one? - The one to Russia. 3 00:01:20,615 --> 00:01:22,685 The red hotline, sir. 4 00:01:22,855 --> 00:01:25,005 It's in Downing Street. 5 00:01:25,175 --> 00:01:28,485 - I can get through to the Soviet president? - Theoretically, yes. 6 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:31,647 - Theoretically? - That's what we tell journalists. 7 00:01:31,815 --> 00:01:36,206 We did once get through to the Kremlin, but only to a switchboard operator. 8 00:01:36,375 --> 00:01:41,165 - Couldn't the operator put you through? - Never found out. Didn't speak much English. 9 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,803 - How often is it tested? - Not too often. 10 00:01:43,975 --> 00:01:46,489 It creates unnecessary panic at the other end, 11 00:01:46,655 --> 00:01:51,126 and panic is a good thing to avoid where nuclear weapons are concerned. 12 00:01:51,295 --> 00:01:54,048 - Yes. - Now, this is it. 13 00:01:54,255 --> 00:01:56,246 Ah, good. 14 00:01:57,495 --> 00:02:01,010 - What is it? - The trigger, Prime Minister. 15 00:02:01,175 --> 00:02:03,689 - The trigger? - The nuclear trigger, the button. 16 00:02:03,855 --> 00:02:06,289 - This? - Indirectly, yes. 17 00:02:06,895 --> 00:02:10,205 This is the telex communication with HMS Northwood. 18 00:02:10,375 --> 00:02:15,813 You send a coded signal and Northwood's telex operator sends an authentication signal. 19 00:02:16,015 --> 00:02:18,006 So he knows it's from you. 20 00:02:18,215 --> 00:02:20,729 When the instruction's been authenticated, 21 00:02:20,895 --> 00:02:24,888 Northwood sends a command to a Polaris submarine and they press the button. 22 00:02:25,095 --> 00:02:27,484 - Just like that? - Just like that. 23 00:02:27,655 --> 00:02:30,169 - When I say so? - When you say so. 24 00:02:30,815 --> 00:02:33,204 Wouldn't anybody argue with me? 25 00:02:34,095 --> 00:02:36,814 Serving officers obey orders without question. 26 00:02:36,975 --> 00:02:39,330 What if I were to get drunk? 27 00:02:39,495 --> 00:02:42,692 On the whole, it would be safer if you didn't. 28 00:02:42,855 --> 00:02:44,254 Blimey! 29 00:02:44,415 --> 00:02:47,407 It's your job and you wanted it, Prime Minister. 30 00:02:47,575 --> 00:02:51,363 - Supposing I were to go off my rocker? - The Cabinet might notice. 31 00:02:51,535 --> 00:02:56,325 I wouldn't count on it. Seriously, supposing I did and then changed my mind? 32 00:02:56,535 --> 00:02:59,652 That's all right. No one would ever know, would they? 33 00:03:02,135 --> 00:03:07,084 - How many bombs are there? - Four Polaris submarines, 16 missiles on each. 34 00:03:07,295 --> 00:03:10,207 - But how many actual bombs? - 192. 35 00:03:10,415 --> 00:03:14,249 Each one at least five times the power of the Hiroshima bomb. 36 00:03:14,455 --> 00:03:16,810 You're thinking, ''Not very many.'' 37 00:03:17,015 --> 00:03:19,813 I don't know. That seems enough. 38 00:03:20,015 --> 00:03:23,769 Not with 1200 Soviet missiles trained on Britain, waiting to retaliate. 39 00:03:23,975 --> 00:03:26,170 - 1200? - Hmm. 40 00:03:26,335 --> 00:03:30,567 Britain's always fought against the odds - the Armada, Battle of Britain. 41 00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:35,132 Yes, and we'll have a great deal more firepower when we get Trident. 42 00:03:35,295 --> 00:03:37,763 Thank goodness for conventional forces! 43 00:03:37,935 --> 00:03:41,211 They would hold the Russians for at most 72 hours. 44 00:03:41,415 --> 00:03:43,406 - Is that all? - Hmm. 45 00:03:43,575 --> 00:03:47,045 So in an emergency, I would have to make an instant decision? 46 00:03:47,255 --> 00:03:50,247 - No, you'd probably have 12 hours. - 12 hours? 47 00:03:50,415 --> 00:03:52,770 Shouldn't we do something about this? 48 00:03:52,975 --> 00:03:57,491 Yes, but for 20 years, politicians have said they can't afford the conventional forces. 49 00:03:57,695 --> 00:04:00,687 Conventional forces are very expensive, Prime Minister. 50 00:04:00,855 --> 00:04:03,323 Much cheaper just to press a button. 51 00:04:05,575 --> 00:04:08,089 So how long should we allow for this meeting? 52 00:04:08,255 --> 00:04:10,325 - 72 hours... - Fine. 53 00:04:12,415 --> 00:04:14,929 It's only the New Zealand High Commissioner. 54 00:04:16,415 --> 00:04:18,770 Isn't 72 hours a bit generous? 55 00:04:19,695 --> 00:04:23,085 I was just thinking how long we could hold the Russians. 56 00:04:23,255 --> 00:04:27,248 If we persuaded the Americans to strengthen THEIR conventional forces... 57 00:04:27,455 --> 00:04:29,923 I don't think it'll make much difference. 58 00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:33,292 The American troops in Germany are all so drug-ridden, 59 00:04:33,455 --> 00:04:35,969 they don't know which side they're on anyway. 60 00:04:36,135 --> 00:04:38,569 And during the last NATO exercises, 61 00:04:38,735 --> 00:04:43,126 the U.S. troops dispersed and picnicked in the woods with lady soldiers. 62 00:04:44,735 --> 00:04:49,604 - What about the other NATO armies? - They're all right. On weekdays, anyway. 63 00:04:49,815 --> 00:04:51,328 Weekdays? 64 00:04:51,495 --> 00:04:55,010 The Dutch, Danish and Belgian armies go home for the weekend. 65 00:04:55,175 --> 00:05:00,329 So if the Russians are to invade, we'd prefer them to do it between Mondays and Fridays? 66 00:05:00,495 --> 00:05:04,488 - Is this widely known? - If I know it, I'm sure the Russians do. 67 00:05:04,655 --> 00:05:09,490 The Kremlin usually gets NATO information before it filters through to Number 10. 68 00:05:10,855 --> 00:05:14,086 - So it comes back to Trident? - When it comes. 69 00:05:14,255 --> 00:05:16,723 - If it works. - If it wor... 70 00:05:18,375 --> 00:05:22,368 - What do you mean? - Normally, when new weapons are delivered, 71 00:05:22,535 --> 00:05:25,527 the warheads don't fit the ends of the rockets. 72 00:05:26,175 --> 00:05:31,329 That's what happened to Polaris. You know the sort of thing, wiring faults, microchip failure. 73 00:05:31,495 --> 00:05:37,047 We couldn't fire Polaris for some years. Cruise is probably the same. Trident might be too. 74 00:05:37,255 --> 00:05:39,689 We should take the manufacturers to court. 75 00:05:39,895 --> 00:05:43,365 We can't risk the publicity - security and they know it! 76 00:05:43,535 --> 00:05:47,323 - We should change the manufacturers. - We do all the time. 77 00:05:47,495 --> 00:05:52,649 The manufacturers know that too. That's why that torpedo landed on Sandwich golf course. 78 00:05:54,055 --> 00:05:57,650 Sandwich golf course? I didn't read that in the papers. 79 00:05:57,855 --> 00:06:00,323 Of course not. There was a cover-up. 80 00:06:00,495 --> 00:06:05,011 The members just found a new bunker on the 7th fairway the next morning. 81 00:06:05,935 --> 00:06:10,929 - So the torpedoes don't work either? - No, only the new ones. The others are fine. 82 00:06:11,615 --> 00:06:14,652 The ones designed during the Second World War. 83 00:06:14,855 --> 00:06:17,847 - Over 40 years ago? - They had lots of testing. 84 00:06:18,015 --> 00:06:21,212 - You can't afford that with the modern ones. - Why not? 85 00:06:21,375 --> 00:06:26,495 Well, if there's a nuclear war, it won't last long enough for the weapons to be tested. 86 00:06:26,695 --> 00:06:30,210 Are there other things I don't know about the UK's defence? 87 00:06:30,415 --> 00:06:34,852 I don't know, Prime Minister. I don't know what you don't know. 88 00:06:35,055 --> 00:06:40,288 The government's chief scientific adviser sees the problem differently from the MoD. 89 00:06:40,495 --> 00:06:43,931 - I'd like to see him now. - A late drink might be wiser. 90 00:06:44,095 --> 00:06:46,563 Better not to let the Cabinet Office know. 91 00:06:46,735 --> 00:06:50,171 Sir Humphrey gets upset. He doesn't regard him as one of us. 92 00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:53,014 I thought he won the DSO at Arnhem. 93 00:06:53,175 --> 00:06:56,645 That doesn't make up for speaking with an Austrian accent. 94 00:06:56,815 --> 00:07:00,694 He didn't go to Oxford or Cambridge. He didn't even go to the LSE. 95 00:07:04,095 --> 00:07:07,132 Prime Minister, you believe in the nuclear deterrent? 96 00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:09,326 - Oh, yes. - Why? 97 00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:11,406 - Pardon? - Why? 98 00:07:11,615 --> 00:07:13,731 Because it deters. 99 00:07:14,615 --> 00:07:16,606 - Whom? - Pardon? 100 00:07:16,775 --> 00:07:21,087 - Whom? Whom does it deter? - The Russians from attacking us. 101 00:07:21,295 --> 00:07:22,808 - Why? - Pardon? 102 00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:24,294 Why? 103 00:07:24,455 --> 00:07:27,686 They know if they launched an attack, I'd press the button. 104 00:07:27,895 --> 00:07:30,363 - You would? - Well, wouldn't I? 105 00:07:30,535 --> 00:07:32,526 Well, would you? 106 00:07:32,695 --> 00:07:35,209 At the last resort, yes, I certainly would. 107 00:07:35,375 --> 00:07:38,014 Well, I think I certainly would. Yes. 108 00:07:39,175 --> 00:07:43,566 - And what is the last resort? - If the Russians invaded western Europe. 109 00:07:43,775 --> 00:07:48,769 You only have 12 hours to decide, so you're saying the last resort is the first response? 110 00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:50,812 Am I? 111 00:07:51,015 --> 00:07:55,884 You don't need to worry. Why should the Russians annex the whole of Europe? 112 00:07:56,055 --> 00:07:58,523 They can't even control Afghanistan. 113 00:07:59,135 --> 00:08:02,650 No, if they try anything, it will be salami tactics. 114 00:08:02,855 --> 00:08:05,323 - Salami tactics? - Slice by slice. 115 00:08:06,175 --> 00:08:08,564 One small piece at a time. 116 00:08:08,735 --> 00:08:12,091 So will you press the button if they invade West Berlin? 117 00:08:12,855 --> 00:08:15,653 - It all depends. - On what? 118 00:08:15,855 --> 00:08:17,846 Scenario one. 119 00:08:18,455 --> 00:08:20,923 Riots in West Berlin, 120 00:08:21,095 --> 00:08:23,290 buildings in flames. 121 00:08:23,455 --> 00:08:28,688 East German fire brigade crosses the border to help. Would you press the button...? 122 00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:33,288 The East German police come with them. The button...? 123 00:08:33,495 --> 00:08:37,488 Then some troops, more troops just for riot control, they say. 124 00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:42,730 And then the East German troops are replaced by Russian troops. Button...? 125 00:08:43,535 --> 00:08:46,003 Then the Russian troops don't go. 126 00:08:46,175 --> 00:08:49,963 They are invited to stay to support civilian administration. 127 00:08:50,135 --> 00:08:54,128 The civilian administration closes roads and Tempelhof Airport. 128 00:08:54,775 --> 00:08:58,245 - Now you press the button? - I need time to think about it. 129 00:08:58,415 --> 00:09:00,804 - You have 12 hours. - Have I? 130 00:09:00,975 --> 00:09:04,172 - You're inventing this. - You are Prime Minister today. 131 00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:07,054 The phone might ring now from NATO HQ. 132 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,485 (PHONE RINGS) 133 00:09:11,335 --> 00:09:14,054 Hello...? Yes. NATO HQ, Prime Minister. 134 00:09:17,175 --> 00:09:20,167 Can you address their annual conference in April? 135 00:09:20,335 --> 00:09:22,849 I thought I could. I'm not so sure now. 136 00:09:23,015 --> 00:09:24,767 Yes. 137 00:09:24,975 --> 00:09:26,966 Scenario two. 138 00:09:27,135 --> 00:09:31,651 The Russian army accidentally on purpose cross the West German frontier. 139 00:09:31,815 --> 00:09:34,204 - Is that the last resort? - No. 140 00:09:34,375 --> 00:09:36,525 Right, scenario three. 141 00:09:36,695 --> 00:09:42,008 Suppose the Russians have invaded West Germany, Belgium, Holland, France? 142 00:09:42,175 --> 00:09:47,169 Suppose their tanks and troops have reached the English Channel and are poised to invade? 143 00:09:47,335 --> 00:09:49,530 - Is that the last resort? - No. 144 00:09:49,695 --> 00:09:51,208 Why not? 145 00:09:51,375 --> 00:09:55,766 We'd only fight a nuclear war to defend ourselves. That would be committing suicide! 146 00:09:55,975 --> 00:09:58,853 So what is the last resort? Piccadilly? 147 00:09:59,895 --> 00:10:02,409 Watford Gap service station? 148 00:10:02,575 --> 00:10:04,645 The Reform Club? 149 00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:08,325 - Maybe the nuclear deterrent makes no sense. - Yes, it does. 150 00:10:08,495 --> 00:10:12,488 If the Russians or Americans have the bomb, so must the other side. 151 00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:15,692 - And keep Polaris just in case. - What are you proposing? 152 00:10:15,895 --> 00:10:21,413 Cancel Trident. Spend the £15 billion you save on conventional forces. 153 00:10:21,575 --> 00:10:25,648 - You wouldn't really press the button. - I might if I had no choice. 154 00:10:25,855 --> 00:10:31,213 They'll never put you in a situation where you have no choice. They'll stick to salami tactics. 155 00:10:31,415 --> 00:10:36,409 Supposing we cancel Trident and channel £15 billion into conventional forces? 156 00:10:36,575 --> 00:10:40,409 - What do we spend it on? Tanks? - No, we spend it on E.T. 157 00:10:43,655 --> 00:10:46,089 Extra-terrestrials? 158 00:10:46,295 --> 00:10:48,411 Emergent technology. 159 00:10:51,055 --> 00:10:54,889 - What's that? - Smart missiles, target finding, infrared. 160 00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:58,934 - Who would operate this E.T? - A large conventional army. 161 00:10:59,135 --> 00:11:01,126 A large convention... 162 00:11:01,295 --> 00:11:03,365 I've got an idea. 163 00:11:04,095 --> 00:11:06,086 Wait a minute! 164 00:11:06,255 --> 00:11:10,009 I think I can see how to do this. First, we cancel Trident. 165 00:11:10,175 --> 00:11:12,689 - Yes. - We don't buy Cruise either. 166 00:11:12,855 --> 00:11:15,847 - Yes. - Then we introduce conscription. 167 00:11:16,015 --> 00:11:17,334 Yes. 168 00:11:17,495 --> 00:11:22,364 Not only do we solve our defence problems, we solve our unemployment problems as well. 169 00:11:22,575 --> 00:11:25,089 Isn't conscription a courageous policy? 170 00:11:25,295 --> 00:11:27,763 Courageous? Oh, my God, is it? 171 00:11:29,135 --> 00:11:32,172 No, no. In times of full employment, it would be. 172 00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:36,163 But now we'd just give unemployed young people something to do. 173 00:11:36,335 --> 00:11:40,328 We'd teach them trades and skills. We might even teach them to read. 174 00:11:40,495 --> 00:11:44,966 The army never discharged anyone who was illiterate. We could make them wash. 175 00:11:45,135 --> 00:11:50,129 We'd give them a comprehensive education to make up for their comprehensive education. 176 00:11:52,375 --> 00:11:57,369 Call it ''national service''. Send the young people out into the community services. 177 00:11:57,535 --> 00:12:03,053 With one policy, we solve our defence, educational and unemployment problems. 178 00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:06,053 This is wonderful. I see it all now. 179 00:12:06,215 --> 00:12:10,003 ''A new deal for Britain - Hacker's Grand Design.'' 180 00:12:10,935 --> 00:12:13,927 From time to time in our great island story, 181 00:12:14,095 --> 00:12:16,529 it falls to one man... 182 00:12:17,135 --> 00:12:20,127 to lead his people out of the valley of the shadow 183 00:12:20,295 --> 00:12:23,651 and into the sunlit uplands of peace and prosperity. 184 00:12:26,015 --> 00:12:29,769 - Why didn't I think of this before? - Because we only just met. 185 00:12:33,175 --> 00:12:35,166 Hello, darling! 186 00:12:35,775 --> 00:12:38,243 - What's for lunch? - You tell me. 187 00:12:41,095 --> 00:12:45,088 - Are you going somewhere? - Voluntary services committee. I did tell you. 188 00:12:45,255 --> 00:12:50,045 Oh, yes, of course. I just thought a few scrambled eggs or something. 189 00:12:50,215 --> 00:12:52,683 I think there's some eggs in the fridge. 190 00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:57,007 - You want me to do it? - We agreed that I'd carry on with my work. 191 00:12:57,175 --> 00:13:00,690 - Yes, of course. - Foreign Office telegrams, Prime Minister. 192 00:13:00,855 --> 00:13:04,643 - Put them over there. - It's bad enough living in this goldfish bowl. 193 00:13:04,815 --> 00:13:09,889 Every time I want to go out, I have to walk past a dozen journalists and 50 gawping tourists! 194 00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:13,047 - There's no privacy anywhere. - That's not true. 195 00:13:13,215 --> 00:13:17,333 (KNOCKS) Sorry, Prime Minister. Security check. Can I just look around? 196 00:13:17,495 --> 00:13:19,850 - Yes, carry on. - Privacy? 197 00:13:20,015 --> 00:13:24,293 - You can always walk in the garden. - With about 60 people staring at you! 198 00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:29,609 It's like exercising in a prison yard. And we pay rent for this place. They should pay US! 199 00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:32,767 - At least it's quiet. - (BRASS BAND PLAYS) 200 00:13:32,935 --> 00:13:36,450 - Usually. - That's been going on since half past seven! 201 00:13:36,655 --> 00:13:39,647 - They've got to practise somewhere. - Why here? 202 00:13:39,815 --> 00:13:44,445 - That's the Horse Guards' Parade. - All clear, Prime Minister. 203 00:13:44,655 --> 00:13:49,410 Annie, you must realise that a career in public service involves some sacrifice. 204 00:13:49,615 --> 00:13:52,288 Fine, you sacrifice your lunch. I'm late. 205 00:13:52,895 --> 00:13:55,284 - I'm hungry! - Aw! 206 00:13:56,175 --> 00:13:59,372 - What did you have for YOUR lunch? - Half a Yorkie bar. 207 00:14:00,935 --> 00:14:03,085 Where's the other half? 208 00:14:06,455 --> 00:14:08,446 Ah, Bernard! 209 00:14:08,655 --> 00:14:11,647 - Yes, Prime Minister. - Had a good lunch? 210 00:14:11,815 --> 00:14:14,375 - Oh, quite good. - Where did you have it? 211 00:14:14,575 --> 00:14:16,964 - In the Cabinet mess. - Three courses? 212 00:14:17,175 --> 00:14:18,972 Er, yes. 213 00:14:19,135 --> 00:14:21,888 - Wine? - A glass of claret, yes. 214 00:14:22,655 --> 00:14:25,647 Would you like to know what I had for my lunch? 215 00:14:25,855 --> 00:14:29,404 - Do you want to tell me, Prime Minister? - Nothing! 216 00:14:29,615 --> 00:14:31,606 Are you dieting? 217 00:14:32,495 --> 00:14:36,807 It seems there are facilities for feeding you and all the private secretaries, 218 00:14:36,975 --> 00:14:41,765 the Cabinet Office, the Press Office, the messengers, but not for me - and I live here! 219 00:14:41,935 --> 00:14:45,132 - Can't Mrs Hacker cook for you? - She's out at work. 220 00:14:45,295 --> 00:14:47,968 - We'll get you a cook. - Who'll pay for it? 221 00:14:48,135 --> 00:14:50,410 - You will. - How much? 222 00:14:50,575 --> 00:14:53,294 - 8,000 to 10,000 a year. - I can't afford that! 223 00:14:53,495 --> 00:14:56,612 - Talk to the Cabinet Secretary. - Bring him here now. 224 00:14:56,775 --> 00:15:00,768 He's due here any minute. Shall we press on with the affairs of the nation? 225 00:15:00,975 --> 00:15:04,285 Stuff the affairs of the nation. I want a cook! 226 00:15:04,495 --> 00:15:08,488 I'll look into it. Malcolm Warren from the Press Office would like a word. 227 00:15:08,655 --> 00:15:10,646 OK, bring him in. 228 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:16,010 - Good afternoon, Prime Minister. - Good afternoon, Malcolm. 229 00:15:16,175 --> 00:15:18,609 Could we keep this brief? 230 00:15:18,775 --> 00:15:22,973 Yes, two things. First, we'll discuss your first appearance on TV as Prime Minister. 231 00:15:23,175 --> 00:15:28,090 Perhaps we ought to leave it until we've time to do it thoroughly. What's the other thing? 232 00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:31,332 - Your official visit to Washington. - What about it? 233 00:15:31,535 --> 00:15:34,208 - A lot of press want to come. - Let them. 234 00:15:34,375 --> 00:15:36,889 - It'll be very expensive. - Malcolm! 235 00:15:37,055 --> 00:15:42,209 I shall be standing on the White House lawn side by side with the President of the USA. 236 00:15:43,095 --> 00:15:46,371 National anthems, two world leaders together. 237 00:15:47,295 --> 00:15:50,924 We will tell the world about our happy relationship, 238 00:15:51,095 --> 00:15:53,086 our unity, resolve, 239 00:15:53,255 --> 00:15:57,248 a few words perhaps about my own courage, wisdom, statesmanship. 240 00:15:57,415 --> 00:16:02,045 Can't you realise how important this is to me? Well, not to me, to Britain. 241 00:16:03,015 --> 00:16:06,291 Our place in the world, my place in the history books. 242 00:16:06,495 --> 00:16:10,249 - Yes, Prime Minister. - Come in, Humphrey. Thank you, Malcolm. 243 00:16:11,495 --> 00:16:13,770 - Malcolm... - Humphrey! 244 00:16:14,455 --> 00:16:16,730 - I've been thinking... - Good. 245 00:16:19,855 --> 00:16:23,564 I've been Prime Minister for, let me see, three days now. 246 00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:26,687 And a very good PM you are, too! 247 00:16:26,895 --> 00:16:30,444 I'm not fishing for compliments, though it has been going well. 248 00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,731 Oh, indeed. 249 00:16:32,935 --> 00:16:37,725 It's nice to be able to reward one's old allies. Was Ron Jones pleased with his peerage? 250 00:16:37,935 --> 00:16:41,405 Yes, Prime Minister. He said his members would be delighted. 251 00:16:41,575 --> 00:16:45,204 - His members? - Of his union. The National Federation... 252 00:16:45,415 --> 00:16:48,646 I didn't mean him. I meant our backbencher! 253 00:16:49,255 --> 00:16:52,452 I meant to give a peerage to Ron Jones, not Ron Jones! 254 00:16:54,935 --> 00:16:56,687 Bloody hell! 255 00:16:56,895 --> 00:16:59,773 If it's any consolation, he was awfully pleased. 256 00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:04,765 I bet he was! What are we going to do about Ron Jones's peerage? Give him one too? 257 00:17:04,975 --> 00:17:09,366 Prime Minister, we can't send two Lord Ron Jones to the upper house. 258 00:17:09,535 --> 00:17:11,765 It'll look like a job lot. 259 00:17:12,855 --> 00:17:16,928 - I've got to give him something. - Does he watch television? 260 00:17:17,135 --> 00:17:21,253 - He hasn't even got a set. - Fine. Make him a governor of the BBC. 261 00:17:22,455 --> 00:17:24,969 - Anything else? - Yes, one small thing. 262 00:17:25,135 --> 00:17:28,923 - I need a cook/housekeeper for the flat. - You can advertise. 263 00:17:29,095 --> 00:17:32,883 - No, a government cook/housekeeper. - That could be difficult. 264 00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:35,563 - Why? - It's a private home. 265 00:17:35,775 --> 00:17:39,563 I just want somebody to cook my lunch. It's not unreasonable. 266 00:17:39,775 --> 00:17:41,891 No, it's just not possible. 267 00:17:42,055 --> 00:17:45,286 I can blow up the world, but not ask for scrambled eggs? 268 00:17:45,495 --> 00:17:49,727 - You can ASK for them. - What if I asked the German ambassador? 269 00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:52,927 That's OK - official engagement, government hospitality. 270 00:17:53,095 --> 00:17:56,132 We'll provide a seven-course meal with wine and brandy. 271 00:17:56,335 --> 00:18:00,123 The German ambassador's lunch is government business, but mine isn't? 272 00:18:00,295 --> 00:18:02,365 That is so. Any ambassador's. 273 00:18:02,575 --> 00:18:07,569 Fine. Bernard, get the diary. On Monday, I'll have lunch with the German ambassador. 274 00:18:07,735 --> 00:18:12,729 On Tuesday, with the French ambassador; on Wednesday, with the American ambassador, 275 00:18:12,895 --> 00:18:16,285 on Thursday, with the New Zealand High Commissioner. 276 00:18:16,455 --> 00:18:19,094 - How many countries in the UN? - 158. 277 00:18:19,255 --> 00:18:22,691 That'll take up six months, then we'll start round again. 278 00:18:22,855 --> 00:18:27,531 You can't have lunch with ambassadors every day. There will be other official lunches. 279 00:18:27,735 --> 00:18:30,203 Even better. We'll fill up the odd gaps. 280 00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:34,732 The Foreign and Commonwealth Office might have some views on that. 281 00:18:34,895 --> 00:18:38,092 They say that one Prime Minister's lunch with an ambassador 282 00:18:38,255 --> 00:18:40,723 destroys two years of patient diplomacy. 283 00:18:40,895 --> 00:18:43,773 I'm not quite sure how they'd react to 158. 284 00:18:44,535 --> 00:18:48,687 - It's absurd that no one caters for us here. - It's been like that for 250 years. 285 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,807 - That's the clinching argument? - For 250 years, yes. 286 00:18:52,015 --> 00:18:55,212 It can't have been the clinching argument for 250 years. 287 00:18:55,375 --> 00:18:59,573 50 years ago, it had only been the clinching argument for 200 years 288 00:18:59,775 --> 00:19:02,005 and 100 years ago... 289 00:19:02,695 --> 00:19:04,253 Sorry. 290 00:19:04,455 --> 00:19:08,892 Humphrey, I want a cook/housekeeper and I want you to see that she's paid for. 291 00:19:09,095 --> 00:19:11,484 Well, let me put it like this. 292 00:19:11,655 --> 00:19:16,046 Do you want the press to announce that your first act as Prime Minister 293 00:19:16,215 --> 00:19:19,844 was to give yourself a salary increase of £8,000 to £10,000? 294 00:19:20,015 --> 00:19:22,131 We wouldn't tell them. 295 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:26,288 We have no alternative. Prime Ministers' expenses must be published. 296 00:19:26,495 --> 00:19:31,330 - There's no way that we can't not tell them? - Open government. Freedom of information. 297 00:19:31,535 --> 00:19:35,323 We should always tell the press freely and frankly anything 298 00:19:35,495 --> 00:19:38,851 that they could easily find out some other way. 299 00:19:39,335 --> 00:19:43,487 - There must be some solution. - There hasn't been for 250 years. 300 00:19:43,655 --> 00:19:48,524 Now may we discuss government business? You were saying that you'd been thinking. 301 00:19:49,535 --> 00:19:53,926 Ah, yes. We're agreed that so far my premiership has been a great success. 302 00:19:54,135 --> 00:19:55,853 Oh, indeed. 303 00:19:56,015 --> 00:20:00,327 I've been asking myself what can I do to continue this run of success. 304 00:20:00,535 --> 00:20:03,971 Have you considered masterly inactivity? 305 00:20:04,175 --> 00:20:06,928 No, Humphrey, a Prime Minister must be firm. 306 00:20:07,615 --> 00:20:11,403 Indeed. How about firm masterly inactivity? 307 00:20:11,615 --> 00:20:13,606 No, I shall be firm. 308 00:20:13,775 --> 00:20:18,769 I've decided to cancel Trident, channel £15 billion into conventional forces 309 00:20:18,935 --> 00:20:21,574 and reintroduce conscription. 310 00:20:21,735 --> 00:20:26,331 At one stroke, we shall solve our defence, balance of payments, 311 00:20:26,495 --> 00:20:30,010 unemployment and educational problems all at once. 312 00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:33,494 What do you say, Humphrey? 313 00:20:35,255 --> 00:20:39,533 You can't reorganise the entire defence of the realm just like that. 314 00:20:39,735 --> 00:20:42,568 I'm the Prime Minister. I have the power. 315 00:20:42,735 --> 00:20:47,729 Yes, within the law and the constitution and the constraints of administrative precedent, 316 00:20:47,895 --> 00:20:50,693 budgetary feasibility and cabinet government. 317 00:20:50,855 --> 00:20:54,370 - You'll buy Cruise instead? - No, no more nuclear weapons. 318 00:20:54,575 --> 00:20:57,806 But, Prime Minister... You're not a secret unilateralist? 319 00:20:58,015 --> 00:21:02,008 - No, we still have Polaris. - Polaris is a ramshackle old system. 320 00:21:02,175 --> 00:21:08,284 The Soviets might develop a ballistic missile defence system which could intercept Polaris. 321 00:21:08,495 --> 00:21:12,283 - By when? - In strategic terms, any day now. 322 00:21:12,455 --> 00:21:14,605 By what year precisely? 323 00:21:14,775 --> 00:21:17,847 2020? But that's sooner than you think! 324 00:21:18,055 --> 00:21:23,049 Are you saying that this nuclear defence system would stop all 192 Polaris missiles? 325 00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:25,570 Not all, virtually all - 97%. 326 00:21:25,735 --> 00:21:28,727 That would leave five bombs that would get through? 327 00:21:28,935 --> 00:21:32,644 - A mere five! - Obliterating Moscow, Leningrad and Minsk. 328 00:21:32,855 --> 00:21:35,528 Yes, but that's about all. 329 00:21:35,695 --> 00:21:38,255 Enough to make the Russians stop and think. 330 00:21:38,455 --> 00:21:43,051 But it's not fair. With Trident we could obliterate the whole of eastern Europe! 331 00:21:43,215 --> 00:21:45,206 - I don't want to! - It's a deterrent. 332 00:21:45,375 --> 00:21:49,163 - It's a bluff. I probably wouldn't use it. - They don't know you probably wouldn't. 333 00:21:49,335 --> 00:21:52,805 - They probably do. - Yes, probably, but they can't certainly know. 334 00:21:53,015 --> 00:21:54,653 They probably certainly know. 335 00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:58,370 Yes, but though they probably certainly know that you probably wouldn't, 336 00:21:58,535 --> 00:22:01,049 they don't certainly know that although you probably wouldn't, 337 00:22:01,215 --> 00:22:03,729 there's no probability that you certainly would! 338 00:22:07,815 --> 00:22:09,294 What? 339 00:22:10,055 --> 00:22:12,615 It all boils down to one simple issue. 340 00:22:12,775 --> 00:22:17,769 You are the Prime Minister of Great Britain. Shouldn't Great Britain have the best? 341 00:22:17,975 --> 00:22:19,852 Yes, of course. 342 00:22:20,015 --> 00:22:24,406 If you walked into a nuclear missile showroom, you would buy Trident! 343 00:22:24,575 --> 00:22:27,294 It's lovely, it's elegant, it's beautiful. 344 00:22:27,455 --> 00:22:31,448 It is quite simply the best, and Britain should have the best. 345 00:22:31,615 --> 00:22:35,369 In the world of the nuclear missile, it is the Savile Row suit, 346 00:22:35,535 --> 00:22:37,810 the Rolls-Royce Corniche, 347 00:22:37,975 --> 00:22:40,489 the Château Lafite 1945. 348 00:22:40,655 --> 00:22:44,568 It is the nuclear missile Harrods would sell you. 349 00:22:47,415 --> 00:22:49,849 What more can I say? 350 00:22:50,015 --> 00:22:52,575 That it costs £15 billion and we don't need it. 351 00:22:52,735 --> 00:22:55,249 You can say that about anything at Harrods. 352 00:22:59,895 --> 00:23:02,284 (MURMUR OF CONVERSATION) 353 00:23:07,135 --> 00:23:10,127 Ah, General! I was hoping to have a word with you. 354 00:23:10,295 --> 00:23:13,970 I wanted to sound you out about something. You'll not like it. 355 00:23:14,135 --> 00:23:18,492 - Tell me the worst. - It will be very unpopular with the services. 356 00:23:18,655 --> 00:23:21,169 - I'm planning to cancel Trident. - Good idea. 357 00:23:21,335 --> 00:23:25,123 Now, hold on, don't jump in too quickly. No good trying to argue... 358 00:23:25,815 --> 00:23:28,283 - What did you say? - It's a good idea. 359 00:23:28,455 --> 00:23:32,687 - You're in favour? Why? - We don't need it. Complete waste of money. 360 00:23:32,895 --> 00:23:35,284 - That's what I said. - You're right. 361 00:23:35,455 --> 00:23:39,243 - The whole defence staff agree? - The navy want to keep it. 362 00:23:39,415 --> 00:23:43,203 Take away Trident and they'd hardly have a role left. 363 00:23:43,415 --> 00:23:45,929 - And the RAF? - You could ask them. 364 00:23:46,095 --> 00:23:50,566 If you're interested in the opinion of garage mechanics. They'd want to keep it. 365 00:23:50,735 --> 00:23:53,249 They want to drop the bomb from an aeroplane. 366 00:23:53,415 --> 00:23:57,203 They just like dropping things on people, but they're no good at it. 367 00:23:57,415 --> 00:23:59,929 Couldn't even close the runway at Port Stanley. 368 00:24:00,095 --> 00:24:03,371 Probably never find Moscow, and if they did they'd miss it. 369 00:24:03,575 --> 00:24:07,568 How do we get the policy through if only the army is in favour? 370 00:24:07,735 --> 00:24:11,410 As you know, the Chief of Defence Staff job is becoming vacant. 371 00:24:11,575 --> 00:24:14,692 Technically, it's the navy's turn, but it's your decision. 372 00:24:14,855 --> 00:24:17,323 If you appoint a soldier, it's up to you. 373 00:24:17,535 --> 00:24:20,686 General, aren't you the most senior soldier? 374 00:24:20,895 --> 00:24:23,284 As it happens, I believe I am. 375 00:24:23,895 --> 00:24:26,045 Thank you. Good advice. 376 00:24:26,215 --> 00:24:28,331 Prime Minister, this is Mrs Glossop. 377 00:24:29,295 --> 00:24:31,331 - Extraordinary thing! - What? 378 00:24:31,495 --> 00:24:34,487 I've come across a Prime Minister with a bit of sense. 379 00:24:34,655 --> 00:24:37,123 Really? Where? Which is the lucky country? 380 00:24:38,295 --> 00:24:41,970 Ours. He's cancelling Trident. I could hardly believe my ears. 381 00:24:42,135 --> 00:24:45,650 I'm surprised you're happy about reintroducing conscription. 382 00:24:45,855 --> 00:24:50,485 - He didn't say anything about conscription. - Slashes unemployment, wins votes. 383 00:24:50,695 --> 00:24:55,007 We're an elite army, best in the world. Professional, tough, disciplined. 384 00:24:55,175 --> 00:24:59,566 We can't bring in a mob of punks and freaks and junkies and riff-raff. 385 00:25:00,335 --> 00:25:02,849 A quarter of a million football hooligans? 386 00:25:03,615 --> 00:25:07,130 - Peeling potatoes in Aldershot? - I thought you'd say that. 387 00:25:07,295 --> 00:25:11,208 - It'll be just an ordinary army. - Like the one that won the last war? 388 00:25:11,375 --> 00:25:14,367 All this equal opportunity nonsense, like America! 389 00:25:14,535 --> 00:25:19,450 They don't know if the troops posted to them are men or women, not until they arrive. 390 00:25:19,615 --> 00:25:22,049 - Sometimes not even then. - Quite! 391 00:25:22,255 --> 00:25:25,725 - Much better to keep Trident. - I thought you'd say that. 392 00:25:25,895 --> 00:25:29,683 - You must stop him. - One can't just stop the Prime Minister. 393 00:25:29,855 --> 00:25:32,323 - What do we do? - We must slow him down. 394 00:25:32,495 --> 00:25:37,489 After a few months, most new Prime Ministers have more or less ground to a halt anyway. 395 00:25:37,655 --> 00:25:41,648 I'll have a word with the American ambassador tomorrow morning. 396 00:25:41,815 --> 00:25:44,283 - Good idea. - I thought you'd say that. 397 00:25:44,455 --> 00:25:45,968 Oh, hello! 398 00:25:46,135 --> 00:25:51,129 I want to make sure that the BBC and ITN get good coverage on the White House lawn. 399 00:25:51,295 --> 00:25:56,813 Shot of me and the President. Then there'll be more photo coverage inside the White House. 400 00:25:57,015 --> 00:25:58,528 Splendid. 401 00:25:58,695 --> 00:26:03,485 Then there'll be coverage of me and the President at the start of talks the next day. 402 00:26:03,655 --> 00:26:06,169 Then the President will say goodbye to me. 403 00:26:06,335 --> 00:26:11,125 I hope he takes my elbow with his left hand. He did that with the West German Chancellor. 404 00:26:11,295 --> 00:26:14,492 Any chance of ensuring that beforehand with the embassy? 405 00:26:14,695 --> 00:26:18,529 That could be difficult. Could you look at the Cabinet agenda? 406 00:26:18,735 --> 00:26:21,203 I don't know what we have embassies for. 407 00:26:21,375 --> 00:26:25,891 Any time you ask them to do something really important, important for Britain... 408 00:26:26,055 --> 00:26:30,526 - Weren't we to discuss scrapping Trident? - Indeed we were, Prime Minister. 409 00:26:30,695 --> 00:26:35,325 But I thought in the first instance you might think it wiser to go into it thoroughly, 410 00:26:35,495 --> 00:26:40,091 review all the implications, as we are discussing the defence of the realm. 411 00:26:40,295 --> 00:26:45,085 - You're trying to stop me, Humphrey. - No, but the Cabinet must have all the facts. 412 00:26:45,295 --> 00:26:47,286 That's a novel idea. 413 00:26:47,895 --> 00:26:52,685 There is a special reason why I thought you might want to leave it for a while. 414 00:26:52,855 --> 00:26:57,645 I've learned from the American ambassador informally that they would be very upset 415 00:26:57,815 --> 00:27:02,047 if we were to cancel Trident and not order another of their missiles instead. 416 00:27:02,255 --> 00:27:04,974 I might as well have it out with the President. 417 00:27:05,175 --> 00:27:10,647 That's the point. The agenda of your meeting with the President must be agreed in advance. 418 00:27:10,815 --> 00:27:13,409 You can't just go over there for a chat. 419 00:27:13,615 --> 00:27:15,810 - Why not? - Well, you... 420 00:27:16,415 --> 00:27:18,883 You might not think of anything to say. 421 00:27:19,815 --> 00:27:25,253 If this proposal of yours were to be put to the Americans, there would be a change of plan. 422 00:27:25,455 --> 00:27:29,448 - What change of plan? - Your meeting would not be with the President. 423 00:27:29,615 --> 00:27:33,403 - You'd be entertained by the Vice-President. - The Vice-President?! 424 00:27:33,575 --> 00:27:37,250 - You can't be serious! - I'm afraid so, Prime Minister. 425 00:27:37,455 --> 00:27:41,414 Even Botswana was met by the President. I saw it on the news. 426 00:27:41,575 --> 00:27:44,806 Botswana hadn't just cancelled an order for Trident. 427 00:27:44,975 --> 00:27:50,049 I'm sure they'll explain that the President had catarrh or bruised his thumb or something. 428 00:27:51,095 --> 00:27:53,245 Fallen asleep perhaps. 429 00:27:54,855 --> 00:27:57,369 This meeting with the President is vital for PR. 430 00:27:57,575 --> 00:28:00,726 Then you should postpone the Trident discussion. 431 00:28:00,935 --> 00:28:06,089 A Prime Minister must show that there is a new mind and a firm hand at Number 10. 432 00:28:06,255 --> 00:28:08,723 He must be seen to have made his mark. 433 00:28:08,895 --> 00:28:11,409 - But you have, Prime Minister. - How? 434 00:28:14,175 --> 00:28:18,691 A cook... seconded from the Cabinet Office canteen? 435 00:28:21,415 --> 00:28:24,213 To cook lunch for me here at the flat? 436 00:28:24,375 --> 00:28:28,288 Something that none of your predecessors ever accomplished. 437 00:28:31,055 --> 00:28:33,808 A place in the history books. 438 00:28:34,895 --> 00:28:38,490 I say! We've shown them who's in charge, haven't we? 439 00:28:38,695 --> 00:28:41,163 Indeed we have, Prime Minister. 440 00:28:41,335 --> 00:28:44,213 A new mind and a firm hand and Trident. 441 00:28:44,415 --> 00:28:46,883 A place in the history books, you say. 442 00:28:47,055 --> 00:28:51,845 Oh, leave Trident off the Cabinet agenda for the time being. That is my firm decision. 443 00:28:52,055 --> 00:28:54,694 - All right? - Yes, Prime Minister. 444 00:30:27,317 --> 00:30:29,626 (CLEARS THROAT) 445 00:30:30,517 --> 00:30:33,509 Sir Humphrey is waiting to see you, Prime Minister. 446 00:30:33,677 --> 00:30:36,032 Thank you, Bernard. Show him in. 447 00:30:36,237 --> 00:30:38,307 Yes, Prime Minister. 448 00:30:41,717 --> 00:30:45,995 - Good morning, Prime Minister. - Ah, Humphrey, good morning. 449 00:30:46,197 --> 00:30:48,188 How's the jet lag? 450 00:30:48,797 --> 00:30:54,269 I'm not jet-lagged. No, I find that jet lag affects me more going the other way. 451 00:30:54,917 --> 00:30:59,945 I felt frightfully tired at the White House. I can scarcely remember a thing he said. 452 00:31:00,157 --> 00:31:04,275 He didn't really say much, Prime Minister. He was frightfully tired too. 453 00:31:05,157 --> 00:31:09,309 Bit worrying, isn't it? Statesmen such as myself jetting all over the world, 454 00:31:09,477 --> 00:31:14,153 attending major conferences on the future of mankind and we're zonked? 455 00:31:14,357 --> 00:31:16,746 It would be, Prime Minister. 456 00:31:16,917 --> 00:31:21,911 Perhaps that's why negotiations are done in advance by humble servants such as I. 457 00:31:22,517 --> 00:31:25,509 They can hardly be left in the hands of the zonked. 458 00:31:26,197 --> 00:31:28,711 Now, what did you want to see me about? 459 00:31:30,277 --> 00:31:32,871 Prime Minister? Prime Minister! 460 00:31:33,077 --> 00:31:36,353 Ah, yes, Bernard. Ah, Humphrey, good morning! 461 00:31:38,397 --> 00:31:41,673 - You wanted to see me. - Oh. Did I? 462 00:31:42,357 --> 00:31:46,714 - Don't you know what it was about? - He fell asleep before he told me. 463 00:31:46,877 --> 00:31:51,155 I'll be back if I'm needed. Bernard, I'd like a word when you're free. 464 00:31:52,397 --> 00:31:54,592 (DOOR CLOSES) 465 00:31:54,757 --> 00:31:56,748 Ah, Bernard. 466 00:31:57,957 --> 00:32:00,312 Remind me to see Humphrey... 467 00:32:01,997 --> 00:32:04,272 ..about something. 468 00:32:05,517 --> 00:32:09,226 I suppose now I'm back, I've got a huge backlog of work? 469 00:32:09,437 --> 00:32:11,792 - Not really. - No backlog? 470 00:32:11,997 --> 00:32:17,469 Nothing at all. You have much less to do as Prime Minister. You don't have a department. 471 00:32:17,677 --> 00:32:20,066 Bernard, you can't be serious. 472 00:32:20,237 --> 00:32:25,231 Everything you've read about how hard a Prime Minister has to work is a bit of a myth really. 473 00:32:25,397 --> 00:32:28,514 It's put out by the Press Office as a matter of course. 474 00:32:28,677 --> 00:32:31,475 If you think about it, what do you have to do? 475 00:32:31,677 --> 00:32:34,669 - Chair the Cabinet. - Two and a half hours a week. 476 00:32:34,837 --> 00:32:37,954 - Chair a couple of Cabinet committees. - Four hours. 477 00:32:38,117 --> 00:32:42,110 - Answer questions in the House twice a week. - Another half an hour. 478 00:32:42,277 --> 00:32:44,837 - Er... - Audience with the Queen on Tuesdays. 479 00:32:45,037 --> 00:32:48,029 - Another hour. - Seven and a half hours a week so far. 480 00:32:49,117 --> 00:32:51,915 Bernard, there must be more to it than that. 481 00:32:52,077 --> 00:32:57,071 You have to read all the briefs and we rush you from place to place shaking hands with people. 482 00:32:57,237 --> 00:33:01,708 There's lots of things people want you to do and lots of things you should do 483 00:33:01,877 --> 00:33:06,268 and any number of things you CAN do, but very few things you HAVE to do. 484 00:33:06,437 --> 00:33:08,826 It's up to you. You're the boss. 485 00:33:08,997 --> 00:33:11,511 Thank you, Bernard. I'll bear that in mind. 486 00:33:11,677 --> 00:33:16,831 Let's have the Press Secretary in to discuss my first TV broadcast as Prime Minister. 487 00:33:17,517 --> 00:33:20,714 Send Malcolm Warren up here straight away, please. 488 00:33:20,877 --> 00:33:23,596 I was busy in America. It was a great success. 489 00:33:24,317 --> 00:33:26,785 - Was it? - Of course it was, Bernard. 490 00:33:26,957 --> 00:33:31,951 Haven't you read Malcolm's report? I was on all the news bulletins three nights running. 491 00:33:32,117 --> 00:33:37,066 Special feature on ''Panorama'', 1,269 column inches in the nationals. 492 00:33:37,237 --> 00:33:39,831 31 photos, 16 radio reports. 493 00:33:40,037 --> 00:33:43,029 No, was it a success in terms of what it achieved? 494 00:33:43,197 --> 00:33:45,188 I just told you. 495 00:33:45,357 --> 00:33:48,349 No, what about agreements with the Americans? 496 00:33:48,517 --> 00:33:52,988 Your private conversation with the President? You didn't tell me the result. 497 00:33:53,157 --> 00:33:57,673 Oh, that. To begin with, I read him my brief and he read me his brief. 498 00:33:57,837 --> 00:34:02,831 Then we decided it would be quicker if we just swapped briefs and read them to ourselves. 499 00:34:02,997 --> 00:34:05,989 We spent most of the time rubbishing the French. 500 00:34:06,717 --> 00:34:08,036 Terrific. 501 00:34:08,237 --> 00:34:10,387 - Good. - (PHONE RINGS) 502 00:34:10,557 --> 00:34:12,548 Yes...? Oh, thanks. 503 00:34:12,717 --> 00:34:16,107 Malcolm Warren is on his way up, Prime Minister. 504 00:34:20,957 --> 00:34:22,948 (SNORES) 505 00:34:26,117 --> 00:34:28,347 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 506 00:34:28,517 --> 00:34:32,908 Ah, Bernard. How's the Prime Minister and First Lord of the Treasury? 507 00:34:33,077 --> 00:34:36,956 - Sleeping peacefully, Sir Humphrey. - Bernard, we have a problem. 508 00:34:37,117 --> 00:34:40,314 - Who has? - You and I and the whole of Whitehall. 509 00:34:40,477 --> 00:34:44,470 The problem is the Prime Minister's disastrous new defence ideas - 510 00:34:44,637 --> 00:34:48,630 cancelling Trident, reintroducing conscription and all that rubbish. 511 00:34:49,117 --> 00:34:52,075 - The Grand Design? - That's what he calls it. 512 00:34:52,237 --> 00:34:56,230 - If it reduces unemployment... - What is the purpose of our defence policy? 513 00:34:56,397 --> 00:34:58,865 - To defend Britain. - No, Bernard. 514 00:34:59,037 --> 00:35:02,029 It is to make people BELIEVE Britain is defended. 515 00:35:03,037 --> 00:35:06,871 - The Russians? - Not the Russians, the British! 516 00:35:07,837 --> 00:35:10,032 The Russians know it's not. 517 00:35:10,997 --> 00:35:15,787 It's for all our simple, ignorant people shuffling in and out of houses, buses, factories 518 00:35:15,957 --> 00:35:17,948 and the Cabinet room. 519 00:35:18,117 --> 00:35:20,472 We want to make them feel secure. 520 00:35:20,677 --> 00:35:25,671 - But if there's a better way... - Bernard, we have a magic wand - Trident. 521 00:35:25,837 --> 00:35:30,957 Nobody understands anything about it, except that it will cost £15 billion, 522 00:35:31,117 --> 00:35:33,631 which means it must be wonderful, magical. 523 00:35:34,797 --> 00:35:38,676 All we have to do is write a cheque and then we can all relax, 524 00:35:38,837 --> 00:35:41,909 but if people in government start talking about it, 525 00:35:42,077 --> 00:35:44,591 in the end, they'll start THINKING about it. 526 00:35:45,197 --> 00:35:49,190 They will come to realise the problems, the flaws in the reasoning. 527 00:35:49,357 --> 00:35:54,192 The nation will get worried - agitation, questions, criticism...change. 528 00:35:54,397 --> 00:35:57,309 - Change? - Change. 529 00:35:57,517 --> 00:36:03,194 There is one thing, though - this TV broadcast. Suppose he uses it to announce his new policy? 530 00:36:03,397 --> 00:36:08,152 - It has to go through Cabinet and the House. - He can open the national debate. 531 00:36:08,357 --> 00:36:12,032 You do not do that until the government has made up its mind. 532 00:36:12,237 --> 00:36:15,752 - If the Prime Minister has made up his mind... - He must unmake it. 533 00:36:15,957 --> 00:36:19,745 - But he's the Prime Minister. - Yes, indeed he is, Bernard. 534 00:36:20,997 --> 00:36:26,515 He has his own car, a nice house in London, endless publicity and a pension for life. 535 00:36:26,677 --> 00:36:28,872 What more does he want? 536 00:36:29,037 --> 00:36:31,471 I think he wants to govern Britain. 537 00:36:31,637 --> 00:36:33,867 Well, stop him, Bernard. 538 00:36:35,237 --> 00:36:37,626 Should it be an interview or to camera? 539 00:36:38,357 --> 00:36:40,029 Yes. 540 00:36:40,197 --> 00:36:43,428 No, Prime Minister, it has to be one or the other. 541 00:36:43,597 --> 00:36:47,385 What about an interview? Bernard, we're discussing a TV interview. 542 00:36:47,557 --> 00:36:51,470 Robin Day, Brian Walden, Terry Wogan, Jimmy Young? 543 00:36:52,117 --> 00:36:55,632 - Which do you think? - It depends how you want to appear. 544 00:36:55,797 --> 00:36:58,436 The thinker, man of power, people's friend? 545 00:36:58,597 --> 00:37:03,352 - All of them really. - They won't all interview you at the same time. 546 00:37:03,557 --> 00:37:06,947 No, I want to be seen to have all those qualities. 547 00:37:07,157 --> 00:37:09,990 Well, I think you should do it to camera. 548 00:37:10,157 --> 00:37:15,151 Yes. At least it'll be me in charge and not all those failed MPs and jumped-up DJs. 549 00:37:16,117 --> 00:37:19,905 - Fine. A party political? - No, a party political spells instant boredom. 550 00:37:20,077 --> 00:37:25,470 I think it should be a ministerial broadcast, the Prime Minister addressing his people, 551 00:37:25,637 --> 00:37:28,629 but I'll do it into the camera like a party political. 552 00:37:28,837 --> 00:37:33,308 - I thought you said they were boring. - I didn't say I'D be boring, Bernard. 553 00:37:33,917 --> 00:37:36,272 Do you think I'd be boring? 554 00:37:38,957 --> 00:37:40,948 Boring? You? 555 00:37:41,157 --> 00:37:44,866 - Have you done much talking to camera? - No, mostly interviews. 556 00:37:45,037 --> 00:37:49,713 Then I'd better set up a practice session. What is the broadcast to be about? 557 00:37:50,717 --> 00:37:54,027 - About? - Yes, about. What will it be about? 558 00:37:54,797 --> 00:37:57,072 About me. 559 00:37:57,277 --> 00:37:59,632 Yes, but what are you gonna say? 560 00:37:59,797 --> 00:38:01,389 Say? 561 00:38:01,597 --> 00:38:03,588 About policies. 562 00:38:03,757 --> 00:38:08,751 Policies, yes. I thought it'd be the usual thing - go forward together, better tomorrow, 563 00:38:08,917 --> 00:38:12,546 tighten your belt, all pull together, heal the wounds. 564 00:38:13,477 --> 00:38:16,230 Yes, but what will you be saying specifically? 565 00:38:17,197 --> 00:38:19,586 Oh, specifically. 566 00:38:19,757 --> 00:38:24,273 Well, I thought I'd suggest that we all specifically tighten our belts. 567 00:38:25,277 --> 00:38:29,793 And specifically heal the specific wounds in society. See what I mean? 568 00:38:29,997 --> 00:38:35,355 It's entirely up to you, Prime Minister. I just thought if you had anything new to say...? 569 00:38:35,517 --> 00:38:37,109 New? 570 00:38:37,277 --> 00:38:41,555 Oh, new! Yes, of course! Get Humphrey back here, will you? 571 00:38:41,717 --> 00:38:45,426 My Grand Design. That's what I wanted to talk to Humphrey about. 572 00:38:46,397 --> 00:38:50,390 Sir Humphrey, the Prime Minister is making arrangements for his TV broadcast. 573 00:38:50,557 --> 00:38:54,072 He wants to talk about his Grand Design and wonders if you... 574 00:38:56,077 --> 00:38:57,556 Hello? 575 00:38:57,717 --> 00:39:00,106 I think he's on his way. 576 00:39:00,317 --> 00:39:04,230 - Grand Design? - I can't tell you now, but it's a big story. 577 00:39:04,437 --> 00:39:08,953 I'll find a producer and set up a practice session in the meantime. 578 00:39:13,517 --> 00:39:16,714 - That was quick. - You want to discuss a TV appearance? 579 00:39:16,877 --> 00:39:19,311 Yes. It's not so desperately urgent. 580 00:39:19,477 --> 00:39:21,627 Not remotely important. 581 00:39:21,837 --> 00:39:24,988 My first television broadcast as Prime Minister? 582 00:39:25,197 --> 00:39:29,475 Terribly important, of course, but not a crisis, not a panic. 583 00:39:29,677 --> 00:39:32,987 I want to announce my new defence policy. What do you think? 584 00:39:33,157 --> 00:39:35,148 - No! - Pardon? 585 00:39:35,357 --> 00:39:37,427 - It's a mistake. - The policy? 586 00:39:37,637 --> 00:39:42,427 Well, of course, it's tremendously refreshing to have a new mind on the problem. 587 00:39:42,597 --> 00:39:47,591 Challenging the old ideas, questioning the whole basis of government thinking for 30 years. 588 00:39:47,797 --> 00:39:50,789 - You don't approve of the policy? - It's not that. 589 00:39:50,957 --> 00:39:53,949 There'll be implications, reverberations, repercussions. 590 00:39:54,117 --> 00:39:56,711 We have to weigh the evidence, review, consult. 591 00:39:56,917 --> 00:40:00,114 You get on with that and I'll announce it in the broadcast. 592 00:40:00,317 --> 00:40:02,877 You can't. Not yet. 593 00:40:03,037 --> 00:40:07,235 Well, we have to tell the Americans. They will have grave objections. 594 00:40:07,397 --> 00:40:12,471 It will take many months of patient diplomacy. Delicate issues need sensitive handling. 595 00:40:12,677 --> 00:40:16,670 Who is it who has the last word about the government of Britain? 596 00:40:16,837 --> 00:40:19,749 The British Cabinet or the American President? 597 00:40:19,917 --> 00:40:22,511 Do you know, that's a fascinating question! 598 00:40:23,437 --> 00:40:27,225 - We often discuss it. - What conclusion have you arrived at? 599 00:40:27,437 --> 00:40:32,227 Well, I must admit to being a bit of a heretic. I think it's the British Cabinet, but... 600 00:40:32,397 --> 00:40:34,786 I know I'm in the minority. 601 00:40:34,997 --> 00:40:37,386 From now on, you're in the majority. 602 00:40:37,557 --> 00:40:41,345 I shall raise my Grand Design with the Overseas Defence Committee, 603 00:40:41,517 --> 00:40:43,826 then I shall put it to Cabinet. 604 00:40:43,997 --> 00:40:46,465 I've sounded most of them out privately. 605 00:40:46,637 --> 00:40:50,630 They think it's a vote-winner... a major contribution to our defence. 606 00:40:50,797 --> 00:40:54,187 I'll put it to the House, then announce it in my broadcast. 607 00:40:54,397 --> 00:40:58,390 - Sorry, you can't announce it yet. - Well, if I can't, who can? 608 00:41:01,197 --> 00:41:04,189 So let us be abundantly clear about this. 609 00:41:04,797 --> 00:41:08,073 We cannot go on paying ourselves more than we earn. 610 00:41:08,677 --> 00:41:11,271 The rest of the world does not owe us a living. 611 00:41:11,877 --> 00:41:16,553 We must be prepared to make sacrifices and... Who wrote this rubbish? 612 00:41:19,397 --> 00:41:22,867 You did, Prime Minister. It's one of your old speeches. 613 00:41:23,037 --> 00:41:26,507 - What about a draft of the broadcast? - It's still only a draft. 614 00:41:26,677 --> 00:41:29,111 - This is only a practice. - It's confidential. 615 00:41:29,317 --> 00:41:32,468 - Everyone's been cleared. Go on. - Yes, Prime Minister. 616 00:41:32,677 --> 00:41:36,670 - How was that, Godfrey? - Excellent, Prime Minister. Just one thing. 617 00:41:37,437 --> 00:41:40,907 - Will you be wearing those glasses? - What do you think? 618 00:41:41,077 --> 00:41:45,468 It's up to you. With them on, you look authoritative and commanding. 619 00:41:45,997 --> 00:41:48,431 With them off, you look honest and open. 620 00:41:48,637 --> 00:41:51,151 I want to look authoritative AND honest. 621 00:41:51,357 --> 00:41:53,825 It's one or the other really. 622 00:41:54,037 --> 00:41:57,871 I could start with them off and put them on when I talk? 623 00:41:58,077 --> 00:42:00,989 - That just looks indecisive. - Oh, I see. 624 00:42:01,197 --> 00:42:03,392 What about a monocle? 625 00:42:06,997 --> 00:42:11,832 Let's just leave them off for the moment, shall we? Can we go again? 626 00:42:12,037 --> 00:42:15,712 - Have you got that new script, Bernard? - Yes, Prime Minister. 627 00:42:15,877 --> 00:42:19,187 The Trident programme is too expensive. 628 00:42:19,997 --> 00:42:23,194 By cancelling it, we shall release billions of pounds 629 00:42:23,357 --> 00:42:27,316 to fund an imaginative and radical attack on the nation's problems. 630 00:42:27,837 --> 00:42:31,068 - What this country needs... - Can we hold it? 631 00:42:31,237 --> 00:42:34,229 - What was wrong? - No, it was very good. 632 00:42:34,397 --> 00:42:37,070 - Prime Minister... - Just a minute. Yes? 633 00:42:37,277 --> 00:42:42,271 Do you mind not leaning forward? It makes you look as though you're selling insurance. 634 00:42:42,437 --> 00:42:46,589 And also it makes you look up at the lens like a sort of suppliant. 635 00:42:46,757 --> 00:42:49,430 You should be looking down from on high. 636 00:42:51,117 --> 00:42:54,473 What this country needs... What this country needs... 637 00:42:55,477 --> 00:42:57,627 What this country needs... 638 00:42:57,837 --> 00:43:02,672 Prime Minister, Malcolm and I have drafted a slightly different version to this speech. 639 00:43:02,877 --> 00:43:07,667 ''We shall review a wide range of options over the whole field of government expenditure.'' 640 00:43:07,837 --> 00:43:10,829 - This doesn't say anything. - Thank you, Prime Minister. 641 00:43:10,997 --> 00:43:13,465 - Completely lacking impact. - You're too kind. 642 00:43:13,637 --> 00:43:17,550 - No, I don't like it. - You could say ''urgently review''. 643 00:43:17,717 --> 00:43:21,187 - No. - I do think it should be toned down a bit. 644 00:43:21,397 --> 00:43:23,547 Any thoughts, Malcolm? 645 00:43:23,717 --> 00:43:28,108 What about ''the Trident programme is a heavy burden on your tax bill. 646 00:43:28,277 --> 00:43:32,589 ''We should look at it carefully to see if it merits the £15 billion it costs.'' 647 00:43:33,317 --> 00:43:35,672 All right. It's OK to mention figures? 648 00:43:36,357 --> 00:43:40,828 Yes. Practically no one takes them in and those who do don't believe them, 649 00:43:40,997 --> 00:43:44,990 but it makes people think you've got the facts at your fingertips. 650 00:43:45,157 --> 00:43:48,149 People don't know you're reading them off the teleprompter. 651 00:43:48,317 --> 00:43:51,309 - Otherwise, it was fine? - You were going a bit slowly. 652 00:43:51,517 --> 00:43:54,077 The teleprompter was going a bit slowly. 653 00:43:54,277 --> 00:43:58,873 No, no. It follows your speed. Try going slow and then fast. 654 00:43:59,037 --> 00:44:01,392 - Oh, I see. - And cue. 655 00:44:01,557 --> 00:44:05,311 The...Trident...programme...is...a...heavy... 656 00:44:05,477 --> 00:44:09,470 (VERY QUICKLY) ..burden on your tax bill. £15 billion is a lot of money. 657 00:44:09,637 --> 00:44:11,912 I see what you mean, yes. 658 00:44:14,277 --> 00:44:17,110 Would you mind not saying ''YOUR tax bill''? 659 00:44:17,317 --> 00:44:18,955 Why not? 660 00:44:19,117 --> 00:44:23,474 It makes you sound like the ruler talking to the ruled, them and us. 661 00:44:23,677 --> 00:44:27,829 - What should I say? - ''OUR tax bill''? You pay taxes, too. 662 00:44:28,037 --> 00:44:31,552 - Yes. Change that, Bernard. - It's still very direct. 663 00:44:31,717 --> 00:44:36,268 - Good. Thank you, Bernard. - No, lots of people's jobs depend on Trident. 664 00:44:36,437 --> 00:44:39,588 - Until there's been a consultation... - Yes. Malcolm? 665 00:44:39,797 --> 00:44:44,791 We could say, ''Defence expenditure is one of those areas which we will look at closely 666 00:44:44,957 --> 00:44:48,393 ''to see if we can meet our defence needs at a lower cost.'' 667 00:44:48,557 --> 00:44:51,230 - Can you make it two sentences? - Why? 668 00:44:51,437 --> 00:44:56,147 Prime Minister, we find that if a sentence goes on over three lines, 669 00:44:56,317 --> 00:45:01,550 then by the time it gets to the end, most people will have forgotten how it began. 670 00:45:01,757 --> 00:45:03,987 Two sentences, Malcolm. 671 00:45:04,157 --> 00:45:06,910 And you are leaning forward again a bit. 672 00:45:07,677 --> 00:45:10,555 That's what I do when I want to look sincere. 673 00:45:10,757 --> 00:45:14,545 It makes you look like someone who wants to look sincere. 674 00:45:15,317 --> 00:45:18,389 If you lean back, you look relaxed and in control. 675 00:45:18,597 --> 00:45:20,110 That's it. 676 00:45:21,917 --> 00:45:26,707 Don't lean back quite as far as that. It looks as though you've had a liquid lunch. 677 00:45:28,517 --> 00:45:32,988 You can always underline bits of the script where you want to look sincere, 678 00:45:33,157 --> 00:45:36,229 then you just frown and say them a bit more slowly. 679 00:45:36,437 --> 00:45:38,507 Anything else? 680 00:45:38,677 --> 00:45:41,066 Well, your face is a bit wooden. 681 00:45:41,597 --> 00:45:43,076 Wooden? 682 00:45:43,237 --> 00:45:45,705 Yeah, only when you're speaking. 683 00:45:45,877 --> 00:45:50,667 In normal speech, you move your head and eyebrows and cheek muscles and so on. 684 00:45:50,837 --> 00:45:54,625 Don't let the teleprompter turn you into a zombie. OK? And cue! 685 00:45:54,797 --> 00:45:58,153 Defence expenditure is one of the areas... 686 00:45:58,917 --> 00:46:02,068 which this government will be examining closely. 687 00:46:02,717 --> 00:46:05,948 It may be that we can achieve the same... 688 00:46:06,117 --> 00:46:10,110 Prime Minister, that's just a little bit too much. 689 00:46:13,157 --> 00:46:15,910 You'll have heard a lot of nonsense from the opposition. 690 00:46:16,077 --> 00:46:18,227 They say we waste money. 691 00:46:18,397 --> 00:46:21,230 They say we're selling out to the United States. 692 00:46:21,397 --> 00:46:24,594 I say look at the mess they made when they were in power, 693 00:46:24,757 --> 00:46:27,476 look at the damage they did to the economy... 694 00:46:27,677 --> 00:46:32,671 Could we hold it there? Prime Minister, if I might suggest, don't attack the opposition. 695 00:46:32,877 --> 00:46:35,630 Oh. Those are the bits the party likes. 696 00:46:35,797 --> 00:46:38,265 Now, the party will vote for you anyway. 697 00:46:38,437 --> 00:46:42,988 You'll make the floating voter see you as an angry and divisive figure. 698 00:46:43,157 --> 00:46:47,150 - I see. What should I say about them? - Don't mention them at all. 699 00:46:47,317 --> 00:46:51,105 Everything you say has to make you sound warm and friendly. 700 00:46:51,277 --> 00:46:54,075 Authoritative, of course, but affectionate. 701 00:46:54,237 --> 00:46:56,467 The father of the nation. 702 00:46:56,637 --> 00:47:00,391 Could we just run forward to that, um, that new bit? 703 00:47:01,597 --> 00:47:05,146 Try lowering the pitch of your voice. All right? 704 00:47:07,797 --> 00:47:10,186 (HIGH VOICE) We want... 705 00:47:10,357 --> 00:47:14,145 (DEEP VOICE) We want to build a bright future for our children. 706 00:47:14,317 --> 00:47:17,832 We want to build a peaceful and prosperous Britain, 707 00:47:17,997 --> 00:47:21,785 a Britain that can hold her head high in the fellowship of nations. 708 00:47:21,957 --> 00:47:24,471 This is rather good. Who wrote this? 709 00:47:24,677 --> 00:47:29,307 Actually, it's from the last party political by the leader of the opposition. 710 00:47:31,477 --> 00:47:34,150 As for your appearance, what will you wear? 711 00:47:34,357 --> 00:47:38,555 - What do you suggest? - A dark suit represents traditional values. 712 00:47:38,717 --> 00:47:41,914 - Fine, dark suit. - But a light suit looks business-like. 713 00:47:42,117 --> 00:47:45,314 What about a lightish jacket with a darkish waistcoat? 714 00:47:45,997 --> 00:47:49,785 I think that would look as though you've got an identity problem. 715 00:47:49,957 --> 00:47:54,553 Excuse me, Prime Minister. Godfrey, could we have a word about make-up? 716 00:47:56,237 --> 00:47:59,912 - Shall we darken the grey hair? - No, it's fine. 717 00:48:00,077 --> 00:48:03,194 - And the receding hairline? - Receding what? 718 00:48:03,717 --> 00:48:05,787 High forehead. 719 00:48:06,677 --> 00:48:12,991 And can you try to do something about the eyes, make them look less close-set? 720 00:48:13,157 --> 00:48:14,636 Sure. 721 00:48:15,317 --> 00:48:17,785 Lighten the bags underneath. 722 00:48:19,037 --> 00:48:21,790 - The nose is still a problem. - Problem? 723 00:48:21,997 --> 00:48:26,832 No, just a lighting problem, Prime Minister. A very large, um, shadow. 724 00:48:29,957 --> 00:48:32,266 The teeth, of course. 725 00:48:32,477 --> 00:48:34,945 Could you smile, Prime Minister? 726 00:48:37,077 --> 00:48:38,715 Yes... 727 00:48:45,317 --> 00:48:48,992 Prime Minister, how would you feel about a little dental work? 728 00:48:49,157 --> 00:48:51,432 Can we get on with this? 729 00:48:51,597 --> 00:48:53,747 OK, we're going again. 730 00:48:53,917 --> 00:48:56,511 Super. And cue the Prime Minister. 731 00:48:56,717 --> 00:49:02,508 We shall review a wide range of options over the whole field of government expenditure... 732 00:49:02,677 --> 00:49:07,467 - Bernard, this is what we started with. - I do think it's the most appropriate. 733 00:49:07,637 --> 00:49:11,425 - What do you think, Godfrey? - It's up to you, Prime Minister. 734 00:49:11,597 --> 00:49:14,589 All I can say is, if that's what you're going to say, 735 00:49:14,757 --> 00:49:17,396 I suggest a very modern suit, hi-tech furniture, 736 00:49:17,557 --> 00:49:20,674 high-energy yellow wallpaper, abstract paintings. 737 00:49:20,837 --> 00:49:24,989 In fact, everything to disguise the absence of anything new in the speech. 738 00:49:25,197 --> 00:49:28,985 I'll go back to my original dynamic speech about the Grand Design. 739 00:49:29,157 --> 00:49:33,947 Fine, then it's the reassuring traditional background, dark suit, oak panelling, 740 00:49:34,117 --> 00:49:36,585 leather volumes, 18th-century portraits. 741 00:49:36,757 --> 00:49:39,146 One other thing - opening music. 742 00:49:39,317 --> 00:49:43,549 Once again, Bach - new ideas; Stravinsky - no change. 743 00:49:44,517 --> 00:49:49,033 I think I ought to have a British composer, something that would reflect my image. 744 00:49:49,197 --> 00:49:51,995 - Elgar perhaps? - Elgar, yes, yes. 745 00:49:52,157 --> 00:49:54,546 Not ''Land of Hope and Glory''. 746 00:49:55,917 --> 00:49:58,385 What about the ''Enigma Variations''? 747 00:49:59,757 --> 00:50:02,669 He's going to say something new and radical. 748 00:50:02,877 --> 00:50:07,632 That silly Grand Design? Bernard, that was precisely what you had to avoid! 749 00:50:07,797 --> 00:50:10,550 I shall need a very good explanation! 750 00:50:10,757 --> 00:50:14,227 - He's very keen on it. - What's that got to do with it? 751 00:50:14,397 --> 00:50:18,595 Things don't happen just because Prime Ministers are keen on them. 752 00:50:18,757 --> 00:50:21,271 Neville Chamberlain was very keen on peace! 753 00:50:22,837 --> 00:50:25,635 He thinks it's a vote-winner. 754 00:50:25,797 --> 00:50:29,949 Ah. That's more serious. Sit down. What makes him think that? 755 00:50:30,157 --> 00:50:34,548 The party did an opinion poll and all the voters were in favour of national service. 756 00:50:34,757 --> 00:50:39,069 Have another opinion poll done showing they're AGAINST national service. 757 00:50:39,277 --> 00:50:42,553 - They can't be for AND against it. - Ever been surveyed? 758 00:50:42,717 --> 00:50:46,266 Yes. Well, not me, my house. Oh, I see what you mean. 759 00:50:46,437 --> 00:50:49,235 Bernard, a nice young lady comes up to you. 760 00:50:49,397 --> 00:50:53,868 You want to create a good impression, you don't want to look a fool, do you? 761 00:50:54,037 --> 00:50:57,029 - No. - So she starts asking you some questions. 762 00:50:57,197 --> 00:51:01,793 Mr Woolley, are you worried about the number of young people without jobs? 763 00:51:02,397 --> 00:51:03,716 Yes. 764 00:51:03,877 --> 00:51:06,869 Are you worried about rising crime among teenagers? 765 00:51:07,077 --> 00:51:10,069 - Yes. - Do you think our schools lack discipline? 766 00:51:10,237 --> 00:51:11,716 Yes. 767 00:51:11,877 --> 00:51:15,347 Do you think young people welcome authority and leadership? 768 00:51:15,557 --> 00:51:17,707 - Yes. - They like a challenge? 769 00:51:17,917 --> 00:51:20,875 - Yes. - Would you be in favour of national service? 770 00:51:24,317 --> 00:51:26,785 - I suppose I might be. - Yes or no? 771 00:51:26,997 --> 00:51:30,910 - Yes. - After all you've told me, you can't say no. 772 00:51:31,637 --> 00:51:35,266 They don't mention the first five questions and publish the last one. 773 00:51:35,477 --> 00:51:37,786 Is that really what they do? 774 00:51:37,957 --> 00:51:41,267 Not the reputable ones, but there aren't many of those. 775 00:51:41,437 --> 00:51:44,747 Alternatively, the young lady can get the opposite result. 776 00:51:44,957 --> 00:51:48,188 - How? - Mr Woolley, are you worried about war? 777 00:51:48,397 --> 00:51:50,911 - Yes. - Are you worried about the arms race? 778 00:51:51,077 --> 00:51:54,990 - Yes. - Is it dangerous giving young people guns? 779 00:51:55,197 --> 00:51:58,792 - Yes. - Is it wrong to force people to take up arms? 780 00:51:58,997 --> 00:52:02,990 - Yes. - Would you oppose national service? 781 00:52:03,197 --> 00:52:04,676 Yes. 782 00:52:06,117 --> 00:52:10,315 There you are, you see, Bernard. The perfect balanced sample. 783 00:52:11,637 --> 00:52:16,108 So we just commission our own survey for the Ministry of Defence. See to it. 784 00:52:16,277 --> 00:52:19,269 - What about the broadcast? - When will he do it? 785 00:52:19,437 --> 00:52:21,553 Some time next month. 786 00:52:21,717 --> 00:52:24,106 Tell him it'll be in 11 days' time. 787 00:52:24,277 --> 00:52:27,155 That's a bit soon. Suppose he refuses? 788 00:52:27,317 --> 00:52:31,105 Tell him that we've learnt from the Joint Broadcasting Committee 789 00:52:31,277 --> 00:52:34,713 that the opposition will hold a party political in 18 days' time 790 00:52:34,877 --> 00:52:37,266 and he can get his ministerial in first. 791 00:52:37,437 --> 00:52:42,465 If he wants the first political broadcast of his premiership to be given by the opposition, fine. 792 00:52:43,557 --> 00:52:45,787 Erm, is that true? 793 00:52:45,997 --> 00:52:49,990 It will be... if you don't mention it till tomorrow. 794 00:52:50,197 --> 00:52:53,667 - He could still announce his new policy. - I don't think so. 795 00:52:53,837 --> 00:52:56,954 He'll have only one meeting with his Cabinet colleagues. 796 00:52:57,157 --> 00:52:59,352 They're all in favour of it. 797 00:52:59,557 --> 00:53:05,154 Only personally and politically, but are they in favour as responsible departmental ministers? 798 00:53:05,357 --> 00:53:08,394 I see. That will depend on the advice they get. 799 00:53:12,677 --> 00:53:18,832 I understand, of course, there's no question of our opposing this scheme to cancel Trident. 800 00:53:19,037 --> 00:53:24,031 It's a question of holding back a little until we've thought through all the implications. 801 00:53:24,197 --> 00:53:28,076 So what are you going to brief your man at Employment to say? 802 00:53:28,277 --> 00:53:30,632 What are the others saying? 803 00:53:30,797 --> 00:53:34,790 Will Dick brief the Foreign Secretary to say the Americans will hit the roof? 804 00:53:34,957 --> 00:53:37,755 No, he thinks it might be more persuasive 805 00:53:37,917 --> 00:53:43,071 to argue that cancelling Trident will look like weakness, appeasing the Soviets. 806 00:53:43,757 --> 00:53:45,748 Good thinking. 807 00:53:45,917 --> 00:53:48,385 Just as Norman won't tell his man at Defence 808 00:53:48,557 --> 00:53:53,267 to say that the service chiefs won't have their elite forces diluted with riff-raff. 809 00:53:53,437 --> 00:53:57,396 - But they won't? - He felt they needed another argument. 810 00:53:57,597 --> 00:54:03,786 Two? Two arguments? Isn't that putting rather a strain on the Defence Secretary's somewhat... 811 00:54:03,997 --> 00:54:07,273 Obsolete intellectual equipment? Yes. 812 00:54:08,917 --> 00:54:13,388 He's just going to brief him that Trident is best and Britain must have the best. 813 00:54:13,597 --> 00:54:18,068 Oh, good. Even the Defence Secretary should be able to handle that. 814 00:54:18,277 --> 00:54:20,666 With a bit of coaching, yes. 815 00:54:20,837 --> 00:54:22,828 And Giles? I know! 816 00:54:22,997 --> 00:54:27,787 The National Union of Teachers are scared stiff that conscription will expose the fact 817 00:54:27,957 --> 00:54:33,031 that school leavers, while tremendously integrated socially and creatively aware... 818 00:54:33,237 --> 00:54:36,229 Can't actually read, write or do sums, yes. 819 00:54:37,517 --> 00:54:39,985 Giles has got the Education Secretary worried 820 00:54:40,157 --> 00:54:44,628 that the colleges prefer their education to be taken over by the services 821 00:54:44,797 --> 00:54:47,265 and actually used for teaching people. 822 00:54:48,357 --> 00:54:52,714 - We can't have that. - No. So what about your man at Employment? 823 00:54:52,877 --> 00:54:54,947 It's the same problem. 824 00:54:55,117 --> 00:54:59,395 The truth is the unions don't want kids undercutting them on community work. 825 00:54:59,597 --> 00:55:00,916 Yes. 826 00:55:01,077 --> 00:55:04,467 I don't think we need to bring the truth in at this stage. 827 00:55:06,157 --> 00:55:07,954 Hold on. 828 00:55:08,557 --> 00:55:10,787 Now, suppose he argues 829 00:55:10,957 --> 00:55:14,029 that unemployed young people are, at the moment, 830 00:55:14,197 --> 00:55:17,348 unfit, unorganised, undisciplined and untrained, 831 00:55:17,517 --> 00:55:22,272 but that conscription will eventually release on to the streets 832 00:55:22,437 --> 00:55:26,191 an army of fit young people, all trained to kill. 833 00:55:26,837 --> 00:55:28,828 Good man! 834 00:55:29,597 --> 00:55:31,986 Does he actually believe that? 835 00:55:32,157 --> 00:55:34,546 He will by tomorrow morning. 836 00:55:37,037 --> 00:55:39,028 Ah, Humphrey. 837 00:55:39,197 --> 00:55:41,188 Gentlemen. Sorry. 838 00:55:42,677 --> 00:55:44,668 Good committee, Prime Minister? 839 00:55:44,837 --> 00:55:47,749 - Extraordinary. Extraordinary. - How extraordinary? 840 00:55:47,957 --> 00:55:51,427 Last week, all my colleagues were all for my Grand Design. 841 00:55:51,597 --> 00:55:53,269 And now? 842 00:55:53,437 --> 00:55:56,429 The Foreign Secretary says it would appease the Soviets. 843 00:55:56,597 --> 00:55:58,986 I hadn't thought of that. 844 00:55:59,197 --> 00:56:03,236 The Defence Secretary says Trident is best and Britain must have the best. 845 00:56:03,437 --> 00:56:06,076 Does he really? How fascinating! 846 00:56:06,797 --> 00:56:11,587 The Education Secretary says conscription would undermine the educational system. 847 00:56:11,757 --> 00:56:14,510 It is a worry. And the Employment Secretary? 848 00:56:14,717 --> 00:56:21,156 Well, he goes on about a million unemployed trained fighters being let loose on the streets. 849 00:56:21,357 --> 00:56:24,747 - Well, he has a point there. - I don't understand it. 850 00:56:24,917 --> 00:56:30,310 Last week, they all thought my new defence policy was a winner. Can you explain it? 851 00:56:30,517 --> 00:56:32,985 It's beyond me, Prime Minister. Yes, Bernard? 852 00:56:33,157 --> 00:56:36,786 Sorry to interrupt, Prime Minister. The MoD said it was urgent. 853 00:56:38,637 --> 00:56:39,990 What? 854 00:56:40,197 --> 00:56:43,985 It seems that 74% of the population are against conscription. 855 00:56:45,797 --> 00:56:48,231 74...? Good Lord! 856 00:56:50,317 --> 00:56:53,753 The party poll said that 63% of the population was for it. 857 00:56:55,277 --> 00:56:58,826 You see, party figures can be very unreliable, Prime Minister. 858 00:56:58,997 --> 00:57:01,750 - Evidently. - May I suggest a compromise? 859 00:57:02,677 --> 00:57:07,671 Well, it's clear that the committee's agreed that your new policy is an excellent plan, 860 00:57:07,837 --> 00:57:10,305 but in view of some of the doubts expressed, 861 00:57:10,477 --> 00:57:15,471 may I propose that after careful consideration, the considered view of the committee was 862 00:57:15,637 --> 00:57:19,027 that while the proposal met with broad approval in principle, 863 00:57:19,197 --> 00:57:22,985 some of the principles were sufficiently fundamental in principle 864 00:57:23,157 --> 00:57:27,355 and some of the considerations so complex and finely balanced in practice 865 00:57:27,517 --> 00:57:31,635 that in principle it was proposed that the sensible and prudent practice 866 00:57:31,797 --> 00:57:35,585 would be to submit the proposal for more detailed consideration, 867 00:57:35,757 --> 00:57:40,148 stressing the essential continuity of the new proposal with existing principles 868 00:57:40,317 --> 00:57:42,785 and the principle of the principal arguments 869 00:57:42,957 --> 00:57:47,428 which the proposer proposes and propounds for their approval...in principle. 870 00:57:48,837 --> 00:57:50,395 What? 871 00:57:50,597 --> 00:57:54,636 Don't refer to your Grand Design in your television broadcast on Friday. 872 00:57:55,317 --> 00:57:58,912 - You're not suggesting I should abandon it? - Good heavens, no! 873 00:57:59,077 --> 00:58:01,545 Heaven forbid! It is a most excellent policy! 874 00:58:02,197 --> 00:58:05,985 All right. We'll look into it further before I say anything about it. 875 00:58:06,197 --> 00:58:11,066 The TV people want a decision about the background scenery for the broadcast. 876 00:58:11,237 --> 00:58:17,107 I suppose it had better be the modern suit with the hi-tech furniture and the yellow wallpaper. 877 00:58:17,277 --> 00:58:19,427 And abstract paintings? 878 00:58:19,637 --> 00:58:22,231 I suppose so. And Stravinsky? 879 00:58:22,437 --> 00:58:24,905 (BOTH) Yes, Prime Minister. 880 00:59:53,171 --> 00:59:58,165 Frank, the problem is all new Prime Ministers want to cut either taxes or public expenditure. 881 00:59:58,331 --> 01:00:00,799 Thank you. That's what Hacker wants, too. 882 01:00:00,971 --> 01:00:03,041 Politicians are like children. 883 01:00:03,211 --> 01:00:06,920 You can't just give them what they want. It only encourages them! 884 01:00:07,091 --> 01:00:09,844 But let's be clear about this, Humphrey. 885 01:00:10,451 --> 01:00:14,842 The entire system hinges on you as Cabinet Secretary controlling the PM 886 01:00:15,011 --> 01:00:19,243 and on me as Permanent Secretary at the Treasury controlling the Chancellor. 887 01:00:19,411 --> 01:00:20,969 - Right? - Right. 888 01:00:21,131 --> 01:00:25,841 And on both of us keeping an agreeable tension between them, mistrust, hostility. 889 01:00:26,051 --> 01:00:29,839 Mind you, I think they'd manage that all right even without us. 890 01:00:30,011 --> 01:00:35,005 The Chancellor will never forgive the Prime Minister for beating him to Number 10 891 01:00:35,171 --> 01:00:38,322 and the Prime Minister will never trust the Chancellor. 892 01:00:38,491 --> 01:00:42,120 - One never trusts anyone one has deceived. - Perhaps not. 893 01:00:42,291 --> 01:00:45,363 But tax cuts unite them. They get them both votes. 894 01:00:45,571 --> 01:00:50,361 Yes, but surely this tax cut is contingent upon the Prime Minister's fantasy 895 01:00:50,531 --> 01:00:53,921 about cancelling Trident and switching to conventional forces. 896 01:00:54,131 --> 01:00:58,761 Nevertheless, he is giving away £1.5 billion of our money! 897 01:00:58,931 --> 01:01:04,369 It's unthinkable, even if only proposals. I had a real job getting the Chancellor to oppose it. 898 01:01:04,571 --> 01:01:06,562 How did you do it? 899 01:01:06,731 --> 01:01:11,361 I used the one about our needing the money for hospitals, schools and old people. 900 01:01:11,531 --> 01:01:14,523 - The kidney machine gambit. - The caring Chancellor (!) 901 01:01:14,731 --> 01:01:17,199 - Yes, that one. - It usually works. 902 01:01:17,371 --> 01:01:21,887 But would a tax cut matter all that much? It's only £1.5 billion. 903 01:01:22,051 --> 01:01:26,966 I agree, it's not much in itself. My worry is about you letting it get through so soon. 904 01:01:28,531 --> 01:01:31,045 If I were in your shoes at the Treasury, 905 01:01:31,211 --> 01:01:35,966 I'd be much more worried about the state of the economy, low productivity. 906 01:01:36,971 --> 01:01:39,007 That's not our fault. 907 01:01:39,171 --> 01:01:43,403 It's the British worker - fundamentally lazy, wants something for nothing. 908 01:01:43,571 --> 01:01:48,565 The figures for absenteeism are going up and up. Nobody wants to do an honest day's work. 909 01:01:48,731 --> 01:01:51,404 - Shocking! I must rush. - Busy afternoon? 910 01:01:51,611 --> 01:01:54,250 Yes, indeed. I gather England are 70 for 3. 911 01:01:59,251 --> 01:02:01,321 (APPLAUSE) 912 01:02:02,731 --> 01:02:05,120 Whoa, whoa! Easy does it, Gerald. 913 01:02:05,331 --> 01:02:09,563 Plenty more where that came from. Cheers. To the Civil Service! 914 01:02:10,451 --> 01:02:13,090 To the British Tobacco Group and its chairman. 915 01:02:13,251 --> 01:02:15,242 Thank you. 916 01:02:16,411 --> 01:02:17,730 Ah! 917 01:02:17,891 --> 01:02:20,405 I do love a good afternoon's cricket. 918 01:02:22,131 --> 01:02:26,124 You know, you chaps at BTG are national benefactors really. 919 01:02:26,291 --> 01:02:28,282 We like to think so. 920 01:02:28,451 --> 01:02:33,923 You know, Gerald, I've got a small favour to ask on behalf of the Royal Opera House. 921 01:02:34,091 --> 01:02:38,607 Now, as you know, Covent Garden is more or less run from the Cabinet Office. 922 01:02:39,491 --> 01:02:45,123 But I'm told that one or more productions are threatened next year, lack of funds. 923 01:02:45,331 --> 01:02:49,165 Well, I've got the Minister for Sport coming along this afternoon. 924 01:02:49,331 --> 01:02:54,325 I know he wants to twist my arm on behalf of Wimbledon or Brands Hatch or something. 925 01:02:54,491 --> 01:02:57,085 Covent Garden... We'll see what we can do. 926 01:02:57,251 --> 01:03:00,243 Oh, I don't know where we'd all be without you. 927 01:03:00,851 --> 01:03:03,365 Tell me, have you ever invited Peter Thorne? 928 01:03:03,531 --> 01:03:06,728 - The Minister of Health? - You always included them. 929 01:03:06,931 --> 01:03:10,128 This one's been got at by the anti-smoking lobby. 930 01:03:10,331 --> 01:03:12,401 Oh, silly man! 931 01:03:12,611 --> 01:03:16,399 Very silly. He hasn't got much clout in Whitehall, has he? 932 01:03:16,611 --> 01:03:18,841 None at all. He's just a minister. 933 01:03:20,091 --> 01:03:22,082 Good shot! 934 01:03:23,771 --> 01:03:25,762 Was he out? 935 01:03:26,651 --> 01:03:31,088 Humphrey, this paper says that if we cancel Trident and bring in conscription, 936 01:03:31,251 --> 01:03:34,561 we shall have £1.5 billion for tax cuts, and what do I find? 937 01:03:34,771 --> 01:03:38,764 - What do you find, Prime Minister? - The Chancellor opposes me. 938 01:03:38,931 --> 01:03:43,721 A great chance to be popular with the voters and he says no. Doesn't that surprise you? 939 01:03:43,931 --> 01:03:45,523 No. 940 01:03:46,011 --> 01:03:48,161 Why doesn't it surprise you? 941 01:03:48,371 --> 01:03:52,489 He's advised by the Treasury and they don't believe in giving money back. 942 01:03:52,651 --> 01:03:57,122 - It's not theirs. It's the taxpayers'. - That's not the view the Treasury takes. 943 01:03:57,731 --> 01:04:01,087 - Not once they've got it. - But if they don't need it? 944 01:04:01,251 --> 01:04:04,129 - Sorry? - If they don't need it. 945 01:04:04,291 --> 01:04:08,079 - Taxation isn't about what you need. - What is it about? 946 01:04:08,251 --> 01:04:14,326 The Treasury doesn't work out what they need to spend and then think how to raise the money. 947 01:04:14,531 --> 01:04:16,522 What DOES it do? 948 01:04:16,691 --> 01:04:21,685 They pitch for as much as they think they can get away with, then think what to spend it on. 949 01:04:22,291 --> 01:04:25,601 If you start giving money back because you don't need it, 950 01:04:25,771 --> 01:04:28,604 you're breaking with centuries of tradition. 951 01:04:28,771 --> 01:04:32,764 - What would happen to the British Navy? - We still need a navy. 952 01:04:32,971 --> 01:04:37,965 We have four capital ships, so we need only four admirals and one Admiral of the Fleet. 953 01:04:38,171 --> 01:04:40,969 - How many Admirals have we got? - 60. 954 01:04:42,051 --> 01:04:45,839 The Treasury's the most powerful department as it controls all the money. 955 01:04:46,011 --> 01:04:49,765 If you take away its money, you take away its power, so they resist. 956 01:04:49,971 --> 01:04:54,169 - How will the Treasury agree to tax cuts? - Get the Chancellor to agree. 957 01:04:54,371 --> 01:04:57,443 - How will the Chancellor agree? - Get the Treasury to agree. 958 01:04:57,651 --> 01:05:01,280 - This is impossible. - Yes, Prime Minister, it is impossible. 959 01:05:01,491 --> 01:05:06,246 - We must be able to force the Treasury's hand. - Yes, by forcing the Chancellor's hand. 960 01:05:06,451 --> 01:05:10,285 - How do I force the Chancellor's hand? - By forcing the Treasury's hand. 961 01:05:10,491 --> 01:05:13,767 Can't YOU persuade the Chancellor? He's your Cabinet colleague. 962 01:05:13,971 --> 01:05:17,600 That's the point. I need help from somebody who's on my side. 963 01:05:18,731 --> 01:05:21,199 The Minister of State at the DHSS is here. 964 01:05:21,371 --> 01:05:25,000 - Show him in. Thank you, Humphrey. - Thank you, Prime Minister. 965 01:05:25,171 --> 01:05:28,163 - Dr Thorne, Prime Minister. - Peter, come in. 966 01:05:29,211 --> 01:05:31,202 Sit down. 967 01:05:31,371 --> 01:05:34,283 Now, you wanted to talk to me about...? 968 01:05:35,211 --> 01:05:37,805 - Cigarettes. - Ah, yes. 969 01:05:37,971 --> 01:05:40,929 - You read my paper? - Yes, absolutely. 970 01:05:41,091 --> 01:05:43,286 How did you react? 971 01:05:43,451 --> 01:05:47,160 Well, I...wonder if you could summarise it in your own words. 972 01:05:49,651 --> 01:05:52,290 Those WERE my own words. 973 01:05:52,971 --> 01:05:55,644 Yes, yes, exactly, of course. 974 01:05:55,851 --> 01:06:01,403 But the Prime Minister often finds that a brief summary focuses on the salient points. 975 01:06:01,571 --> 01:06:03,960 Salient points, precisely. 976 01:06:05,011 --> 01:06:10,005 Well, briefly, I'm proposing that the government should take action to eliminate smoking, 977 01:06:10,171 --> 01:06:13,925 a complete ban on all cigarette sponsorship and advertising, 978 01:06:14,131 --> 01:06:17,487 £50 million to be spent on anti-smoking publicity, 979 01:06:17,651 --> 01:06:22,771 a ban on smoking in all public places and progressive tax rises over the next five years 980 01:06:22,931 --> 01:06:26,719 until a packet of 20 costs about the same as a bottle of whisky. 981 01:06:28,771 --> 01:06:31,046 Isn't that rather drastic? 982 01:06:31,251 --> 01:06:36,166 Absolutely. It should reduce smoking by at least 80%, 90% if we're lucky 983 01:06:36,331 --> 01:06:38,891 and drive tobacco companies out of business. 984 01:06:39,731 --> 01:06:44,168 Yes. Well, Peter, of course, you know I agree with you basically. 985 01:06:44,331 --> 01:06:46,686 Smoking should be stopped. 986 01:06:46,851 --> 01:06:49,923 No question. And we will stop it in due course. 987 01:06:50,811 --> 01:06:54,281 At the appropriate juncture, in the fullness of time. 988 01:06:55,371 --> 01:06:58,363 - You mean forget it? - No, absolutely not. 989 01:06:59,411 --> 01:07:02,801 But we must be realists. You and I weren't born yesterday. 990 01:07:03,011 --> 01:07:06,640 - No, and we didn't die yesterday. - No. What? 991 01:07:07,731 --> 01:07:12,327 300 people did prematurely as a result of smoking. 992 01:07:12,491 --> 01:07:15,369 100,000 deaths a year at least. 993 01:07:15,571 --> 01:07:19,564 It's appalling, but you know what the Treasury would say? 994 01:07:19,771 --> 01:07:24,083 They'd say that smoking brings in £4 billion a year in revenue. 995 01:07:24,291 --> 01:07:28,045 - You can't beat the Treasury. - Not with financial arguments. 996 01:07:28,211 --> 01:07:30,679 But this is a moral argument. 997 01:07:30,851 --> 01:07:32,842 Yes, but even... 998 01:07:33,851 --> 01:07:39,289 Wait a minute. I've got an idea. This could be a way to beat the Treasury. 999 01:07:39,491 --> 01:07:42,847 - You mean you'll support me? - You've made your point. 1000 01:07:43,011 --> 01:07:46,526 We'll give it a try. I'll even read your report. Again! 1001 01:07:48,731 --> 01:07:52,280 This could be very interesting. Thank you very much indeed. 1002 01:07:52,491 --> 01:07:54,880 But will you support me? 1003 01:07:55,051 --> 01:07:57,326 Yeah, well, not publicly. 1004 01:07:57,491 --> 01:08:02,485 It would undermine my position, undermine the argument if I supported you from the start. 1005 01:08:03,451 --> 01:08:07,842 I have to be seen as the impartial judge swayed by the force of the argument. 1006 01:08:08,051 --> 01:08:10,042 Yes, I see that. 1007 01:08:10,211 --> 01:08:13,999 But off the record, I'd like to see this pushed very hard indeed. 1008 01:08:14,171 --> 01:08:18,050 Make some speeches on it. Peter, thank you very much indeed. 1009 01:08:20,531 --> 01:08:25,002 Thank you for your cigarette paper... your paper on cigarettes. 1010 01:08:27,931 --> 01:08:30,399 - Is this serious? - What do you mean? 1011 01:08:30,611 --> 01:08:32,681 It's always been the practice 1012 01:08:32,851 --> 01:08:37,163 to discourage anti-smoking speeches by ministers and not to distribute them. 1013 01:08:37,371 --> 01:08:41,284 Well, I want Peter's speeches distributed. I want everybody to know. 1014 01:08:41,491 --> 01:08:46,724 Yes, Prime Minister. Do you think you will win this one? The tobacco lobby is very powerful. 1015 01:08:46,931 --> 01:08:52,164 Well, some you win, some you lose, Bernard. This one I shall definitely lose. 1016 01:08:52,371 --> 01:08:53,884 Then why? 1017 01:08:54,051 --> 01:08:58,044 If you were the Treasury, would you rather do without £1.5 billion in tax cuts 1018 01:08:58,211 --> 01:09:00,566 or £4 billion in lost tobacco tax revenue? 1019 01:09:00,731 --> 01:09:03,040 - The tax cuts. - (PHONE RINGS) 1020 01:09:03,251 --> 01:09:06,721 Exactly. That's what I want and that's what I shall get. 1021 01:09:06,931 --> 01:09:09,525 - Can Sir Humphrey have a word? - Of course. 1022 01:09:09,691 --> 01:09:11,761 Yes, come in, please. 1023 01:09:14,771 --> 01:09:17,160 - Prime Minister... - Humphrey. 1024 01:09:17,331 --> 01:09:20,641 Did you have an interesting chat with Dr Thorne? 1025 01:09:20,851 --> 01:09:23,570 Yes. He proposed the elimination of smoking. 1026 01:09:27,411 --> 01:09:30,209 By a campaign of mass hypnosis perhaps! 1027 01:09:31,171 --> 01:09:36,291 By raising tobacco taxes sky high and simultaneously banning all advertising. 1028 01:09:38,931 --> 01:09:43,527 - I think his position is admirably moral. - Moral perhaps, but extremely silly. 1029 01:09:43,691 --> 01:09:47,650 No man in his right mind could contemplate such a proposal. 1030 01:09:47,851 --> 01:09:50,046 I'm contemplating it. 1031 01:09:50,211 --> 01:09:54,489 Yes, of course, Prime Minister. Please don't misunderstand me. 1032 01:09:54,651 --> 01:09:59,645 It is quite right that you should CONTEMPLATE all proposals that come from your government, 1033 01:09:59,811 --> 01:10:02,279 but no sane man would ever SUPPORT it. 1034 01:10:02,491 --> 01:10:06,006 - I'm supporting it. - And quite right too, Prime Minister. 1035 01:10:06,171 --> 01:10:11,643 The only problem is that the tax on tobacco is a major source of revenue for the government. 1036 01:10:11,851 --> 01:10:14,285 And a major source of death from diseases. 1037 01:10:14,491 --> 01:10:18,609 Yes, but no definite causative link has ever been proved, has it? 1038 01:10:18,811 --> 01:10:21,723 - The statistics... - You can prove anything with statistics. 1039 01:10:21,931 --> 01:10:24,570 - Even the truth. - Yes... No! 1040 01:10:24,771 --> 01:10:31,449 It says here, ''Smoking-related diseases cost the NHS £165 million a year.'' 1041 01:10:31,651 --> 01:10:34,040 Yes, but we've been into that. 1042 01:10:34,211 --> 01:10:39,001 It has been shown that if those extra 100,000 people had lived to a ripe old age, 1043 01:10:39,171 --> 01:10:43,403 they would have cost us even more in pensions and social security 1044 01:10:43,571 --> 01:10:46,039 than they did in medical treatment. 1045 01:10:46,211 --> 01:10:49,487 So financially speaking, it's unquestionably better 1046 01:10:49,651 --> 01:10:52,848 that they continue to die at about the present rate. 1047 01:10:54,291 --> 01:10:58,409 ''When cholera killed 30,000 people in 1833, we got the Public Health Act. 1048 01:10:58,571 --> 01:11:02,564 ''When smog killed 2,500 people in 1952, we got the Clean Air Act.'' 1049 01:11:02,731 --> 01:11:07,327 A commercial drug kills half a dozen people and we get it withdrawn from sale. 1050 01:11:07,931 --> 01:11:11,844 Cigarettes kill 100,000 people a year and what do we get? 1051 01:11:12,051 --> 01:11:14,690 £4 billion a year. 1052 01:11:14,891 --> 01:11:19,362 25,000 jobs in the tobacco industry, a flourishing cigarette export business, 1053 01:11:19,531 --> 01:11:21,886 helping our balance of trade, 1054 01:11:22,051 --> 01:11:25,964 250,000 jobs related to tobacco - newsagents, packaging, transport... 1055 01:11:26,171 --> 01:11:30,642 - These figures are just guesses. - No, they're government st... They're facts. 1056 01:11:33,051 --> 01:11:36,805 So your statistics are facts and my facts are merely statistics? 1057 01:11:37,011 --> 01:11:41,209 I'm on your side. I'm merely giving you some arguments you'll encounter. 1058 01:11:41,411 --> 01:11:45,290 Humphrey, I'm so glad to know we'll have support such as yours. 1059 01:11:45,451 --> 01:11:49,922 It will be pointed out that the tobacco companies are great sponsors of sport. 1060 01:11:50,091 --> 01:11:54,687 Where would the BBC sports programmes be if cigarette companies couldn't advert... 1061 01:11:54,891 --> 01:11:57,963 couldn't SPONSOR the events that they televise? 1062 01:11:59,051 --> 01:12:01,519 We're talking about 100,000 deaths a year. 1063 01:12:01,731 --> 01:12:06,327 Yes, but cigarette taxes pay for a third of the cost of the National Health Service. 1064 01:12:06,491 --> 01:12:09,688 We're saving many more lives than we otherwise could 1065 01:12:09,851 --> 01:12:14,367 because of those smokers who voluntarily lay down their lives for their friends. 1066 01:12:15,611 --> 01:12:18,079 Smokers are national benefactors. 1067 01:12:19,211 --> 01:12:21,202 So long as they live! 1068 01:12:21,371 --> 01:12:24,522 Not that any definite causal link has ever been proved. 1069 01:12:24,731 --> 01:12:30,488 It's time for your next Cabinet committee, then the Minister of Sport wants an urgent word. 1070 01:12:30,651 --> 01:12:33,119 - What about? - Sponsorship. 1071 01:12:34,331 --> 01:12:37,880 Who tipped him off? He's one of the tobacco lobby. 1072 01:12:38,091 --> 01:12:40,764 A member of YOUR government? 1073 01:12:40,931 --> 01:12:45,846 Yes, he's Minister for Sport. He has a vested interest. He's also an MP for Nottingham. 1074 01:12:46,011 --> 01:12:48,479 Did you tell him? How did he know? 1075 01:12:48,651 --> 01:12:51,165 The grapevine perhaps. Prime Minister... 1076 01:12:52,211 --> 01:12:54,725 Tell the minister I'll see him at 2.30. 1077 01:12:54,891 --> 01:12:59,362 - With pleasure, Prime Minister. - Not with pleasure, but I'll see him anyway. 1078 01:13:00,891 --> 01:13:03,359 The Minister for Sport, Prime Minister. 1079 01:13:03,531 --> 01:13:06,125 Oh, Leslie, my dear fellow. Hi. 1080 01:13:08,611 --> 01:13:11,079 Do you mind if I smoke? 1081 01:13:12,811 --> 01:13:15,325 Prime Minister, it's about the rumour 1082 01:13:15,491 --> 01:13:19,564 that you intend to make a personal attack on the tobacco industry. 1083 01:13:19,731 --> 01:13:22,325 - I hadn't heard that rumour. - It's not true? 1084 01:13:22,491 --> 01:13:25,528 The Minister for Health is considering the matter. 1085 01:13:25,691 --> 01:13:28,080 There's no smoke without fire. 1086 01:13:28,251 --> 01:13:32,324 You'd be consulted. As Minister for Sport, you have an interest. 1087 01:13:32,531 --> 01:13:34,522 Never mind sport. 1088 01:13:34,691 --> 01:13:40,607 There are marginal seats in Bristol, Nottingham, Glasgow, Basildon and Northern Ireland, 1089 01:13:40,771 --> 01:13:42,966 all with tobacco workers. 1090 01:13:43,131 --> 01:13:47,409 I've got 4,000 tobacco workers in my constituency. What about my seat? 1091 01:13:47,571 --> 01:13:50,005 (COUGHS WHEEZILY) 1092 01:13:50,611 --> 01:13:52,727 What about your lungs? 1093 01:13:53,251 --> 01:13:55,242 My lungs are fine. 1094 01:13:55,451 --> 01:13:58,204 He doesn't breathe through his seat. 1095 01:13:59,731 --> 01:14:02,325 Oh, your seat, I see, I'm sorry. 1096 01:14:02,491 --> 01:14:07,121 Thank you, Bernard. I see the difficulty, but if something is right for the country, 1097 01:14:07,291 --> 01:14:09,759 surely the government must pursue it. 1098 01:14:09,931 --> 01:14:14,721 The government must do what's right, but not if it affects marginal constituencies. 1099 01:14:14,891 --> 01:14:17,644 - There is a limit. - No decision has been taken. 1100 01:14:17,851 --> 01:14:20,524 For the good of the party, you can't do this. 1101 01:14:20,731 --> 01:14:24,724 Weren't you a paid consultant to the British Tobacco Group? 1102 01:14:25,491 --> 01:14:30,121 Of course, the fact that the BTG did pay me a small retainer, 1103 01:14:30,291 --> 01:14:32,680 it's totally beside the point. 1104 01:14:32,851 --> 01:14:38,369 They're a very generous corporation with a strong sense of responsibility to the community. 1105 01:14:38,531 --> 01:14:41,125 Look at all the money they give to sport! 1106 01:14:41,331 --> 01:14:43,799 They just do it to sell more cigarettes. 1107 01:14:43,971 --> 01:14:46,804 No, they do it as a service to the community. 1108 01:14:47,011 --> 01:14:52,643 Oh, that's all right, then. They can go on giving the money anonymously if they like. 1109 01:14:52,851 --> 01:14:55,319 Well, I'm sure they'd be happy to, 1110 01:14:55,491 --> 01:14:59,962 provided they could publicise the fact that they were doing it anonymously. 1111 01:15:00,131 --> 01:15:05,046 Is it true that Peter Thorne is also trying to change the government health warning? 1112 01:15:05,251 --> 01:15:06,730 Is it? 1113 01:15:06,891 --> 01:15:12,363 He's proposing something like ''Dying of lung cancer can seriously damage your health''. 1114 01:15:12,571 --> 01:15:14,562 It is not true! 1115 01:15:14,731 --> 01:15:17,199 If we do nothing, in the next ten years, 1116 01:15:17,371 --> 01:15:20,522 in this country we'll have one million premature deaths. 1117 01:15:20,731 --> 01:15:23,199 Yes, but evenly spread. 1118 01:15:24,571 --> 01:15:27,085 Not just in marginal constituencies. 1119 01:15:27,731 --> 01:15:32,646 Listen, Jim, there is no conclusive proof of any causal link 1120 01:15:32,811 --> 01:15:34,961 between smoking and... 1121 01:15:35,131 --> 01:15:37,486 (COUGHS) 1122 01:15:38,731 --> 01:15:42,440 We at the DHSS are profoundly worried about smoking. 1123 01:15:42,651 --> 01:15:47,122 And we agree it's our duty to help the Prime Minister achieve his objective, 1124 01:15:47,291 --> 01:15:51,682 but with a third of the voters as smokers, I can't raise taxes too high. 1125 01:15:51,851 --> 01:15:57,528 The Chancellor won't commit electoral suicide and the inflationary effect is considerable. 1126 01:15:57,731 --> 01:16:00,165 There is a moral principle involved. 1127 01:16:00,371 --> 01:16:02,487 Moral principle, yes. 1128 01:16:02,691 --> 01:16:08,368 We understand the PM's concern. In fact, we earnestly believe in the moral principle. 1129 01:16:08,571 --> 01:16:12,644 But where £4 billion of revenue is at stake, 1130 01:16:12,811 --> 01:16:15,803 I think we should have to consider very carefully 1131 01:16:15,971 --> 01:16:18,485 whether we have the right to indulge ourselves 1132 01:16:18,651 --> 01:16:22,803 in the rather selfish luxury of pursuing moral principles. 1133 01:16:23,011 --> 01:16:28,085 Where would the arts be without tobacco sponsorship? At the mercy of the Arts Council. 1134 01:16:28,251 --> 01:16:34,008 Exactly. Then those silly pressure groups and fanatics like the Royal College of Physicians! 1135 01:16:34,211 --> 01:16:35,610 Fanatics! 1136 01:16:35,771 --> 01:16:38,763 They want the government to have a policy on the matter. 1137 01:16:38,971 --> 01:16:41,963 It would be different if the government were a team, 1138 01:16:42,131 --> 01:16:45,601 but in fact they're a loose confederation of warring tribes. 1139 01:16:46,851 --> 01:16:52,801 If only the PM could meet the tobacco people, he could see what really nice chaps they were. 1140 01:16:53,011 --> 01:16:56,128 And genuinely concerned about the health risks. 1141 01:16:56,331 --> 01:17:02,088 There can't be anything wrong with them. BTG have an ex-Permanent Secretary on their board. 1142 01:17:02,291 --> 01:17:06,284 - And could well have more. - In the fullness of time. 1143 01:17:07,291 --> 01:17:11,523 I think we ought to raise some questions about your minister, Ian. 1144 01:17:11,691 --> 01:17:15,570 What does he know about the subject? Peter Thorne is only a doctor. 1145 01:17:15,731 --> 01:17:18,245 His sole purpose is keeping people alive! 1146 01:17:18,451 --> 01:17:20,442 Must be biased. 1147 01:17:20,611 --> 01:17:25,082 Seeing your patients die must emotionally distort your judgement. 1148 01:17:25,251 --> 01:17:30,006 It's very understandable, but a great handicap to cool decision-taking. 1149 01:17:30,211 --> 01:17:33,487 Very true, but can we find something a bit stronger? 1150 01:17:33,691 --> 01:17:38,082 Frank, I think the crucial argument is that we're living in a free country. 1151 01:17:38,251 --> 01:17:40,765 We must be free to make our own decisions. 1152 01:17:40,931 --> 01:17:44,924 Government shouldn't be a nursemaid. We don't want the nanny state. 1153 01:17:45,091 --> 01:17:46,444 - Very good. - Excellent. 1154 01:17:46,611 --> 01:17:49,762 The only problem is that is also the argument 1155 01:17:49,931 --> 01:17:53,685 for legalising the sale of marijuana, heroin, arsenic and gelignite. 1156 01:17:53,891 --> 01:17:57,520 Maybe that's a good idea if we put a big enough tax on them. 1157 01:17:57,731 --> 01:18:00,643 - Politically difficult. - Pity. 1158 01:18:00,851 --> 01:18:02,330 Yes. 1159 01:18:03,571 --> 01:18:05,084 Got it! 1160 01:18:06,211 --> 01:18:10,568 When the Prime Minister was Minister for Administrative Affairs, 1161 01:18:10,731 --> 01:18:16,169 I used to get him to accompany me on regular visits to Lord's, Wimbledon and Glyndebourne 1162 01:18:16,371 --> 01:18:18,566 as a guest of BTG, 1163 01:18:18,731 --> 01:18:24,010 so he's thoroughly implicated in receiving hospitality worth hundreds, 1164 01:18:24,171 --> 01:18:26,560 possibly thousands from them. 1165 01:18:26,731 --> 01:18:31,646 Now, if that were to leak... shocking though a leak would be... 1166 01:18:31,811 --> 01:18:34,723 - Oh, shocking. - Shocking. 1167 01:18:35,451 --> 01:18:39,046 It'd be profoundly embarrassing for the Prime Minister. 1168 01:18:39,211 --> 01:18:42,044 I can't think why I didn't think of it before. 1169 01:18:42,211 --> 01:18:44,202 Nor can I. 1170 01:18:48,251 --> 01:18:50,719 - Well, Bernard. - Well, Prime Minister. 1171 01:18:50,931 --> 01:18:53,491 Very well. Things are going very well indeed. 1172 01:18:53,691 --> 01:18:55,682 Oh, good. 1173 01:18:55,851 --> 01:18:58,843 I've got the Treasury on the run and the Chancellor. 1174 01:18:59,011 --> 01:19:01,479 Is that good? He's in your own government. 1175 01:19:01,651 --> 01:19:06,679 Of course it's good. They've got to learn to come to heel and learn to co-operate. 1176 01:19:06,891 --> 01:19:10,930 - What do you mean, co-operate? - I mean obey my commands! 1177 01:19:11,131 --> 01:19:12,610 I see. 1178 01:19:12,811 --> 01:19:16,326 That's what ''co-operate'' means when you're Prime Minister. 1179 01:19:16,491 --> 01:19:21,121 Why are these tax cuts in your interest? It's your government too. 1180 01:19:21,331 --> 01:19:26,121 Bernard, it's simple. Cutting taxes by £1.5 billion is going to win us masses of votes. 1181 01:19:26,291 --> 01:19:31,160 My ministers are interested in getting money for their departments, not in supporting me. 1182 01:19:31,331 --> 01:19:35,119 I'm using my support for Peter Thorne as leverage on the Treasury. 1183 01:19:35,331 --> 01:19:38,050 - Your loyal support? - Precisely. 1184 01:19:38,211 --> 01:19:40,645 In order to get THEIR loyal support. 1185 01:19:40,811 --> 01:19:45,089 After you get the tax cut, you will withdraw your support from Peter Thorne? 1186 01:19:45,291 --> 01:19:48,522 - Bernard, how can you be so cynical? - (PHONE RINGS) 1187 01:19:48,691 --> 01:19:51,364 I shall simply rearrange my priorities. 1188 01:19:51,531 --> 01:19:54,125 Sir Humphrey's waiting to see you outside. 1189 01:19:54,291 --> 01:19:56,441 Send him in at once. 1190 01:19:56,611 --> 01:20:00,604 Yes, Prime Minister. Your word is my co-operation. 1191 01:20:05,851 --> 01:20:07,842 - Humphrey! - Prime Minister. 1192 01:20:08,011 --> 01:20:11,970 - Everything all right? - Everything is very far from all right. 1193 01:20:12,171 --> 01:20:15,686 - What's the trouble? - Your anti-smoking legislation. 1194 01:20:15,851 --> 01:20:17,284 What about it? 1195 01:20:17,451 --> 01:20:20,488 Notwithstanding the fact that your proposal 1196 01:20:20,651 --> 01:20:24,326 could encompass certain concomitant benefits of a peripheral relevance, 1197 01:20:24,491 --> 01:20:28,484 there is a countervailing consideration of infinitely superior magnitude, 1198 01:20:28,651 --> 01:20:32,530 involving your personal complicity and corroborative malfeasance, 1199 01:20:32,691 --> 01:20:37,685 with the consequence that the taint and stigma of your former associations and diversions 1200 01:20:37,851 --> 01:20:41,605 could irredeemably and irretrievably invalidate your position 1201 01:20:41,771 --> 01:20:46,561 and culminate in public revelations and recriminations of a profoundly embarrassing 1202 01:20:46,731 --> 01:20:49,245 and ultimately indefensible character. 1203 01:20:50,731 --> 01:20:53,199 Perhaps I could have a précis of that. 1204 01:20:55,691 --> 01:20:59,240 - There's nicotine on your hands. - What do you mean? 1205 01:20:59,451 --> 01:21:03,330 All the hospitality that we've enjoyed at BTG's expense. 1206 01:21:03,491 --> 01:21:07,245 Champagne receptions, the best seats at sporting and cultural events. 1207 01:21:07,451 --> 01:21:11,683 - What's the problem? - The tobacco companies may tell the press. 1208 01:21:11,891 --> 01:21:16,885 So? I've had drinks at the Soviet embassy. That doesn't make me a Russian spy. 1209 01:21:18,011 --> 01:21:20,525 Oh... Well... Oh. 1210 01:21:22,011 --> 01:21:24,320 - Does it? - Well, no. 1211 01:21:24,491 --> 01:21:27,005 Let them do their worst. Anything else? 1212 01:21:27,171 --> 01:21:31,528 Well, Prime Minister, there is another vital point to bear in mind. 1213 01:21:31,691 --> 01:21:34,205 A lot of eminent people, influential people 1214 01:21:34,371 --> 01:21:38,250 argue that such legislation would be a blow against freedom of choice. 1215 01:21:38,451 --> 01:21:43,650 Rubbish! I'm not banning smoking. Does every tax rise represent a blow against freedom? 1216 01:21:43,851 --> 01:21:46,319 Well, it depends how big the tax rise is. 1217 01:21:47,091 --> 01:21:50,163 Fascinating! Does 20 pence represent a blow against freedom? 1218 01:21:50,371 --> 01:21:54,364 - Prime Minister... - 25 pence? 30 pence? 31? 1219 01:21:54,531 --> 01:21:59,605 Is something a blow against freedom simply because it can seriously damage your wealth? 1220 01:21:59,811 --> 01:22:04,931 I must warn you of the difficulties. I foresee all sorts of unforeseen problems. 1221 01:22:05,131 --> 01:22:06,723 Such as? 1222 01:22:06,891 --> 01:22:10,088 If I could foresee them, they wouldn't be unforeseen. 1223 01:22:12,251 --> 01:22:14,970 You just said you COULD foresee them. 1224 01:22:15,131 --> 01:22:18,123 If we could set up an inter-departmental committee, 1225 01:22:18,291 --> 01:22:21,727 a Royal Commission, perhaps a Treasury Committee... 1226 01:22:21,931 --> 01:22:24,923 - Don't talk to me about the Treasury! - Why not? 1227 01:22:25,091 --> 01:22:29,084 The Treasury are blocking my plans for a £1.5 billion tax cut. 1228 01:22:29,851 --> 01:22:33,207 If only they could be more...flexible. 1229 01:22:36,611 --> 01:22:38,090 Oh... 1230 01:22:39,611 --> 01:22:44,162 Well, I don't think they're fully committed on that other matter yet. 1231 01:22:44,371 --> 01:22:45,884 Really? 1232 01:22:46,971 --> 01:22:50,600 Absolutely not. Oh, no, I'm sure they could find a way. 1233 01:22:50,811 --> 01:22:52,802 Could they? 1234 01:22:52,971 --> 01:22:57,487 The only stumbling block would be if your anti-smoking proposals went through, 1235 01:22:57,651 --> 01:23:01,803 they'd be too busy with those to find a way to help with the other cuts. 1236 01:23:02,011 --> 01:23:06,084 Well, of course, my anti-smoking proposals, important though they are, 1237 01:23:06,251 --> 01:23:09,800 don't have nearly such a high priority as defence. 1238 01:23:10,491 --> 01:23:12,004 Ah. 1239 01:23:12,811 --> 01:23:15,279 The Minister of State for Health is here. 1240 01:23:15,451 --> 01:23:20,445 Prime Minister, if I might have one or two minutes to make some phone calls. Thank you. 1241 01:23:20,611 --> 01:23:22,681 Show him in, Bernard. 1242 01:23:23,971 --> 01:23:27,168 - Dr Thorne. - Peter, what can I do for you? 1243 01:23:27,331 --> 01:23:29,799 I've just had some very exciting news. 1244 01:23:29,971 --> 01:23:34,647 We've got full backing from the BMA and eight top scientific and medical colleges. 1245 01:23:36,091 --> 01:23:38,082 Marvellous. 1246 01:23:38,811 --> 01:23:41,803 But your legislation can't be put through immediately. 1247 01:23:42,011 --> 01:23:47,563 It is announced as government policy within three months, with a White Paper in a year. 1248 01:23:47,771 --> 01:23:53,403 Yes, since we spoke, I've encountered a few problems. The Treasury, you know. 1249 01:23:53,611 --> 01:23:57,809 - Can't be anything you didn't know already? - Yes. I mean no... Well, yes. 1250 01:23:57,971 --> 01:24:00,485 Peter, it's not as simple as you think. 1251 01:24:00,651 --> 01:24:03,119 Jim, I really am serious about this. 1252 01:24:03,291 --> 01:24:07,807 It's the one really important and worthwhile thing I believe I can do in politics. 1253 01:24:07,971 --> 01:24:12,328 If you stall it, I'll have to resign. And say why. 1254 01:24:12,531 --> 01:24:17,321 Excuse me, Prime Minister. Could Sir Humphrey see you urgently just for a moment? 1255 01:24:17,491 --> 01:24:20,483 - Would you mind waiting outside, Peter? - Of course. 1256 01:24:23,771 --> 01:24:26,126 Prime Minister, it's quite all right. 1257 01:24:26,291 --> 01:24:31,445 The Treasury have looked at your proposal again and they can encompass your tax cut, 1258 01:24:31,611 --> 01:24:34,921 provided no work is needed on the anti-smoking proposal. 1259 01:24:35,131 --> 01:24:37,645 That's fine, but there is another complication. 1260 01:24:37,811 --> 01:24:40,279 Peter Thorne is going to resign if I drop it, 1261 01:24:40,451 --> 01:24:44,967 go to the press and have me condemned by all the doctors and scientists in Britain. 1262 01:24:45,131 --> 01:24:46,610 Oh... 1263 01:24:46,771 --> 01:24:48,250 Help! 1264 01:24:50,851 --> 01:24:54,161 You still have that government vacancy in the Treasury? 1265 01:24:54,891 --> 01:24:59,203 You mean...? It's a very big promotion, a very rapid one. 1266 01:24:59,411 --> 01:25:02,130 Nevertheless, for a very able minister. 1267 01:25:03,331 --> 01:25:07,802 Bernard, get Peter back in here and then get on to the Department of the Environment. 1268 01:25:07,971 --> 01:25:10,405 Get Leslie Potts over here at once. 1269 01:25:10,571 --> 01:25:14,359 Prime Minister, I think I'll just, erm... If you'll excuse me. 1270 01:25:14,531 --> 01:25:16,522 Dr Thorne. 1271 01:25:17,651 --> 01:25:22,247 Peter, I've just remembered we still have that vacancy at the Treasury. 1272 01:25:22,411 --> 01:25:24,925 I've been racking my brains how to fill it, 1273 01:25:25,091 --> 01:25:28,367 but your work on this paper has impressed me enormously. 1274 01:25:28,571 --> 01:25:31,039 You're not trying to get rid of me? 1275 01:25:31,211 --> 01:25:34,009 Definitely not. Quite the reverse. 1276 01:25:34,211 --> 01:25:36,202 It's a terrific step up. 1277 01:25:36,411 --> 01:25:38,800 But thoroughly merited. 1278 01:25:39,011 --> 01:25:41,969 How can I take it if it means dropping my bill? 1279 01:25:42,171 --> 01:25:44,685 Peter, sit down. 1280 01:25:44,891 --> 01:25:47,530 Let me be absolutely honest with you. 1281 01:25:49,451 --> 01:25:54,923 This legislation would have been...would be... will be very difficult to get through. 1282 01:25:55,531 --> 01:25:59,524 The Treasury is the stumbling block, not the Department of Health. 1283 01:25:59,691 --> 01:26:03,206 It'll take longer, but if you were inside learning the ropes, 1284 01:26:03,371 --> 01:26:08,650 we'd have a much better chance of a watertight, foolproof Act when it gets to the statute book. 1285 01:26:08,811 --> 01:26:12,087 - Believe me. - So my proposals aren't dropped? 1286 01:26:12,771 --> 01:26:15,080 Absolutely not. 1287 01:26:15,691 --> 01:26:19,081 - OK. I'll take the Treasury job. - Good. 1288 01:26:19,291 --> 01:26:21,885 Thanks a lot. Goodbye, Prime Minister. 1289 01:26:27,371 --> 01:26:31,364 That leaves us with a vacancy at the Department of Health. Now... 1290 01:26:31,531 --> 01:26:34,045 The Minister for Sport is here, Prime Minister. 1291 01:26:35,731 --> 01:26:38,120 - Come in. - Mr Potts! 1292 01:26:38,611 --> 01:26:41,045 Leslie! My dear chap. 1293 01:26:42,411 --> 01:26:44,925 Sit down. Now... 1294 01:26:46,051 --> 01:26:49,248 How would you like to be Minister of Health? 1295 01:26:54,451 --> 01:26:56,965 - Me? - Yes. 1296 01:26:57,651 --> 01:26:59,050 Well... 1297 01:26:59,211 --> 01:27:01,930 It's a considerable promotion. 1298 01:27:02,091 --> 01:27:04,321 But thoroughly merited. 1299 01:27:05,171 --> 01:27:10,165 You're very suitable for the job. You're not one of the medical lobby like Dr Peter Thorne. 1300 01:27:11,411 --> 01:27:15,927 Well, of course I can't refuse it. Thank you, Prime Minister. 1301 01:27:16,771 --> 01:27:19,365 Humphrey, meet our new Minister for Health. 1302 01:27:19,531 --> 01:27:21,886 Oh, congratulations. 1303 01:27:23,331 --> 01:27:26,641 I don't want the job if it means attacking the tobacco industry. 1304 01:27:26,851 --> 01:27:28,842 Ah, but it wouldn't. 1305 01:27:29,011 --> 01:27:32,640 You see, Leslie, we in government have to be realists. 1306 01:27:32,811 --> 01:27:35,928 I want you to work WITH the tobacco industry. 1307 01:27:36,091 --> 01:27:38,605 They're only trying to sort out the problems. 1308 01:27:38,771 --> 01:27:44,289 They've got huge resources, nice chaps, caring people and really fabulous employers. 1309 01:27:45,131 --> 01:27:47,520 They are really trying to help. 1310 01:27:47,691 --> 01:27:51,286 I want you to work with the industry, not against it. 1311 01:27:52,011 --> 01:27:54,400 - (COUGHS) - All right? 1312 01:27:57,091 --> 01:27:59,082 What did he say? 1313 01:27:59,251 --> 01:28:01,719 I think he said, ''Yes, Prime Minister.'' 1314 01:29:31,673 --> 01:29:34,392 Could your political adviser have a word? 1315 01:29:34,553 --> 01:29:37,147 Yes, of course. Dorothy! 1316 01:29:38,193 --> 01:29:40,229 I've hardly seen you since I moved in. 1317 01:29:41,713 --> 01:29:44,705 I used to be in the office next door to this room. 1318 01:29:44,873 --> 01:29:49,389 You had me moved to the front of the building, up three floors, along the corridor, 1319 01:29:49,553 --> 01:29:54,069 round the corner and four doors along to the right...next to the photocopier. 1320 01:29:55,313 --> 01:29:58,430 - I thought you'd gone on holiday. - I might as well be! 1321 01:29:58,633 --> 01:30:01,022 I came back from my weekend 1322 01:30:01,193 --> 01:30:05,186 and found my office turned into a waiting room for ministers and officials. 1323 01:30:05,353 --> 01:30:08,345 Humphrey said it was on your instructions. Was it? 1324 01:30:08,513 --> 01:30:10,981 No... Well, yes. No. Yes. 1325 01:30:11,153 --> 01:30:15,783 Humphrey had this plan for rationalisation, to make better use of the space. 1326 01:30:15,993 --> 01:30:20,748 The Civil Service have been trying to get me out of that office for three years! 1327 01:30:20,953 --> 01:30:22,625 Why? 1328 01:30:22,793 --> 01:30:27,423 Because it's in the key strategic position. It's the best-placed room in the house. 1329 01:30:28,113 --> 01:30:30,581 I don't see what difference it makes. 1330 01:30:30,753 --> 01:30:35,588 This file is the Cabinet Room where we are now. Through the doors is your private office. 1331 01:30:35,753 --> 01:30:38,745 This ruler is the corridor from the front door here 1332 01:30:38,913 --> 01:30:43,907 and this corridor runs from the Cabinet Room and connects up to the locked green baize door, 1333 01:30:44,073 --> 01:30:47,065 on the other side of which is the Cabinet Office. 1334 01:30:47,233 --> 01:30:50,225 This coffee cup is the staircase up to your study 1335 01:30:50,393 --> 01:30:53,226 and this saucer is the gents' loo. 1336 01:30:53,393 --> 01:30:58,911 And this is...was my office, and my desk faced out into the lobby 1337 01:30:59,073 --> 01:31:01,462 and I always kept my door open. 1338 01:31:01,633 --> 01:31:03,703 What could I see? 1339 01:31:03,873 --> 01:31:08,822 Well, you could see everyone who comes in through the front door 1340 01:31:08,993 --> 01:31:13,589 or from the Cabinet Office or the Cabinet Room or the private office... 1341 01:31:14,673 --> 01:31:17,187 Or up the staircase. Hmm. 1342 01:31:17,393 --> 01:31:21,272 And I was opposite the gents' loo. I have to be opposite the loo! 1343 01:31:23,313 --> 01:31:25,827 Have you seen anyone about this? 1344 01:31:26,033 --> 01:31:30,026 The gents' loo. Almost everyone in the Cabinet is a man. 1345 01:31:30,193 --> 01:31:35,187 I could hear everything they said to each other when they popped out of Cabinet for a pee. 1346 01:31:36,113 --> 01:31:41,233 I was able to keep the last Prime Minister fully informed about all their little foibles. 1347 01:31:41,433 --> 01:31:45,631 - Was it any of his business? - When they were plotting against him, yes. 1348 01:31:46,993 --> 01:31:49,382 Bernard, come in here, please. 1349 01:31:49,553 --> 01:31:52,545 Dorothy, you may have your room back. 1350 01:31:53,273 --> 01:31:57,061 Bernard, I want you to put Dorothy back into her old office. 1351 01:31:57,233 --> 01:31:59,622 Oh, you mean carry her there? 1352 01:32:01,873 --> 01:32:05,946 No, I mean return Dorothy to the waiting room outside here. 1353 01:32:06,153 --> 01:32:09,031 Before she goes back to HER office, you mean? 1354 01:32:09,753 --> 01:32:15,464 No, I mean that the waiting room that was once Dorothy's office will again be Dorothy's office. 1355 01:32:15,673 --> 01:32:18,141 But what about the waiting room? 1356 01:32:18,313 --> 01:32:20,781 Pay attention. Watch my lips move. 1357 01:32:21,393 --> 01:32:24,669 The waiting room will become Dorothy's office. 1358 01:32:24,873 --> 01:32:28,468 - Yes, but what about waiting? - No, Bernard, at once. 1359 01:32:28,673 --> 01:32:32,143 Yes, Prime Minister, I realise you mean at once, no waiting, 1360 01:32:32,313 --> 01:32:35,669 but I mean where will people wait if there's no waiting room? 1361 01:32:35,873 --> 01:32:41,231 The place is full of waiting rooms. There are state rooms upstairs. There's a lobby there. 1362 01:32:41,433 --> 01:32:42,991 Where? 1363 01:32:43,753 --> 01:32:46,950 Between the ashtray, the coffee cup and the saucer. 1364 01:32:47,153 --> 01:32:51,590 Between the ashtray, the coffee cup and the saucer? 1365 01:32:51,793 --> 01:32:55,069 The saucer is the gents' loo. Wake up, Bernard! 1366 01:32:59,393 --> 01:33:03,989 Hello, Bill. The PM wants Mrs Wainwright moved back to her old office... 1367 01:33:04,153 --> 01:33:06,826 What? Withdraw those instructions at once! 1368 01:33:06,993 --> 01:33:10,588 - But the PM just told me to... - Withdraw those instructions! 1369 01:33:10,793 --> 01:33:12,909 Bill, hold it. I'll get back. 1370 01:33:13,113 --> 01:33:16,901 - Explain yourself. - The PM said to move Mrs Wainwright back. 1371 01:33:17,073 --> 01:33:20,543 - There's nothing to explain. - There is everything to explain! 1372 01:33:20,713 --> 01:33:25,662 We've striven for years to get that woman out. You've snatched defeat from the jaws of victory! 1373 01:33:25,873 --> 01:33:28,387 We can't stop the Prime Minister taking advice. 1374 01:33:28,553 --> 01:33:32,626 We are here to see that the Prime Minister is not confused. 1375 01:33:34,393 --> 01:33:39,183 Politicians are simple people, Bernard. They like simple choices, clear guidance. 1376 01:33:39,353 --> 01:33:44,586 They don't like doubt - and that impossible woman makes him doubt everything we tell him! 1377 01:33:44,793 --> 01:33:46,784 But he likes her. 1378 01:33:46,953 --> 01:33:49,228 Samson liked Delilah. 1379 01:33:50,153 --> 01:33:53,623 Good morning, dear lady. This is indeed a pleasure. 1380 01:33:53,793 --> 01:33:57,581 Hello, Humphrey. Why aren't you waiting in the waiting room? 1381 01:33:58,433 --> 01:34:00,867 Bernard, there is one other thing. 1382 01:34:01,033 --> 01:34:03,501 - An alien was admitted yesterday. - An alien? 1383 01:34:03,713 --> 01:34:08,992 The Prime Minister's constituency agent was allowed into Number 10 with no security pass. 1384 01:34:09,193 --> 01:34:11,548 The police outside recognised him. 1385 01:34:11,753 --> 01:34:16,429 That is irrelevant. Everyone must have their Number 10 pass. See to it! 1386 01:34:16,593 --> 01:34:18,948 Excuse me for butting in, Bernard, 1387 01:34:19,113 --> 01:34:24,107 but the PRIME MINISTER wants me to make arrangements with you to move my room back. 1388 01:34:24,313 --> 01:34:28,101 I've just got to deal with Sir Humphrey's request about security passes. 1389 01:34:28,313 --> 01:34:30,781 - That can wait. - No, it can't! 1390 01:34:30,953 --> 01:34:34,741 The Prime Minister wants me to move back down here right away. 1391 01:34:34,913 --> 01:34:36,631 Ah, yes, well, erm... 1392 01:34:37,593 --> 01:34:39,185 Prime Minister... 1393 01:34:40,913 --> 01:34:46,465 Excuse me. I understand you're having second thoughts about our office reorganisation plan. 1394 01:34:46,673 --> 01:34:49,062 Just moving Mrs Wainwright into her old office. 1395 01:34:49,273 --> 01:34:53,744 No, Prime Minister, the whole reorganisation depends upon her moving out. 1396 01:34:53,913 --> 01:34:57,144 - It's only a waiting room. - A vital square on the board. 1397 01:34:57,353 --> 01:35:00,902 Well, people can wait in the lobby or in the staterooms. 1398 01:35:01,113 --> 01:35:05,629 Some people. But some people must wait where other people cannot see the people waiting. 1399 01:35:05,793 --> 01:35:10,071 And people who arrive before other people must wait where they cannot see other people 1400 01:35:10,233 --> 01:35:12,747 who arrive after them being admitted before them. 1401 01:35:12,913 --> 01:35:16,872 And people from outside must wait where they cannot see the people from inside 1402 01:35:17,033 --> 01:35:20,070 coming to tell you what the people from outside want to see you about. 1403 01:35:20,273 --> 01:35:24,232 And people who arrive when you are with people they should not know you have seen 1404 01:35:24,393 --> 01:35:28,386 must wait somewhere until the people who shouldn't have seen you have seen you. 1405 01:35:28,553 --> 01:35:31,545 Sounds like an entire Whitehall farce going on out there! 1406 01:35:31,753 --> 01:35:35,109 Prime Minister, Number 10 is a railway junction. 1407 01:35:35,273 --> 01:35:42,031 It cannot work without its proper components of sheds and sidings and turntables. 1408 01:35:42,193 --> 01:35:44,707 Mrs Wainwright's office is a vital shed. 1409 01:35:44,873 --> 01:35:47,865 - I find her advice valuable. - And of course it is! 1410 01:35:48,033 --> 01:35:50,501 And you shall have it on paper. 1411 01:35:50,673 --> 01:35:54,666 And if you wish for verbal advice, you can always send for her. 1412 01:35:54,833 --> 01:35:57,631 The whole Cabinet can give you political advice. 1413 01:35:57,833 --> 01:36:02,463 They advise me to give more money to their departments. I need someone on my side. 1414 01:36:02,673 --> 01:36:05,141 But I'm on your side. 1415 01:36:06,113 --> 01:36:09,105 The whole Civil Service is on your side. 1416 01:36:10,713 --> 01:36:15,787 680,000 of us. Surely that's enough to be going on with. 1417 01:36:15,993 --> 01:36:19,986 - All giving the same advice. - Which proves that it must be correct. 1418 01:36:20,153 --> 01:36:23,668 Can we return to our original reorganisation plan? 1419 01:36:25,033 --> 01:36:28,105 Oh, all right, I suppose so, yes. 1420 01:36:28,313 --> 01:36:32,591 It's a pleasure to have a decisive Prime Minister who knows his own mind. 1421 01:36:32,793 --> 01:36:35,466 Bernard, find Mrs Wainwright for me, please. 1422 01:36:35,673 --> 01:36:39,712 - She's here arranging to move rooms. - Ask her to come back in. 1423 01:36:39,913 --> 01:36:41,904 Prime Minister... 1424 01:36:49,273 --> 01:36:51,548 Ah...Dorothy! 1425 01:36:53,593 --> 01:36:55,265 I... 1426 01:36:55,873 --> 01:36:58,341 What did you want to talk about? 1427 01:36:58,513 --> 01:37:03,633 - It's about your office. I changed my mind. - Has someone else changed it for you? 1428 01:37:03,833 --> 01:37:06,301 No, we really need that waiting room there. 1429 01:37:06,513 --> 01:37:07,866 Why? 1430 01:37:08,073 --> 01:37:13,067 Because if people come to see people who people didn't know people were coming... 1431 01:37:13,233 --> 01:37:18,705 That is, if people saw people coming before people saw them seeing people, 1432 01:37:18,873 --> 01:37:21,103 people would see people 1433 01:37:21,273 --> 01:37:23,867 and the whole ship would go off the rails. 1434 01:37:25,353 --> 01:37:27,150 You see. 1435 01:37:27,313 --> 01:37:30,191 Did you work all that out for yourself? 1436 01:37:30,393 --> 01:37:34,625 I can't go into everything personally. I must rely on advice from my officials. 1437 01:37:34,833 --> 01:37:39,429 Yes, but Humphrey wants to cut off all your sources of information and advice, 1438 01:37:39,593 --> 01:37:43,586 except the Civil Service, and make himself the only channel for that. 1439 01:37:43,753 --> 01:37:47,985 - If you're happy to let him have his own way... - No, no, no, you're right. 1440 01:37:48,153 --> 01:37:51,941 You must have your office back. I need you to be available. 1441 01:37:52,113 --> 01:37:55,867 The only trouble is I've just told Humphrey I've changed my mind. 1442 01:37:56,073 --> 01:37:59,622 - Tell him you've changed it back. - I can't sack Humphrey. 1443 01:37:59,833 --> 01:38:03,030 - No, but you could clip his wings a bit. - How? 1444 01:38:03,233 --> 01:38:06,464 Stop him coming in and going out as if he owned the place. 1445 01:38:06,673 --> 01:38:10,143 - He works here. - He works in the Cabinet Office! 1446 01:38:11,313 --> 01:38:13,463 This is your home. 1447 01:38:14,313 --> 01:38:15,666 Oh. 1448 01:38:15,873 --> 01:38:21,106 And on top of all his other jobs, he's also Head of the Home Civil Service, isn't he? 1449 01:38:21,313 --> 01:38:25,704 He's responsible for personnel, promotions and appointments and so on. 1450 01:38:25,873 --> 01:38:30,264 Pay and rations are the responsibility of the Permanent Head of the Treasury. 1451 01:38:30,433 --> 01:38:35,063 So the Head of the Civil Service's job is split between Sir Humphrey and Sir Frank. 1452 01:38:35,233 --> 01:38:39,943 Suppose you were to take away his half of the job and give it all to Sir Frank? 1453 01:38:41,233 --> 01:38:43,986 Dorothy...that's brilliant. 1454 01:38:46,393 --> 01:38:48,907 Bernard, is Sir Humphrey still with you? 1455 01:38:49,073 --> 01:38:51,541 Ask him to come back in, would you? 1456 01:38:53,113 --> 01:38:54,512 Brilliant. 1457 01:38:55,953 --> 01:38:57,944 Prime Minister? 1458 01:38:59,113 --> 01:39:05,302 Humphrey, erm... I'm thinking of giving Mrs Wainwright her old office back after all. 1459 01:39:05,513 --> 01:39:07,981 - Prime Minister... - Yes? 1460 01:39:08,513 --> 01:39:10,981 Could we speak privately about this? 1461 01:39:11,153 --> 01:39:13,621 You can speak freely in front of me. 1462 01:39:13,793 --> 01:39:15,306 Well, I... 1463 01:39:19,593 --> 01:39:22,710 I need time to see whether it's practicable. 1464 01:39:22,913 --> 01:39:25,905 All right. But it had better be. 1465 01:39:26,113 --> 01:39:28,547 It...might be. 1466 01:39:28,753 --> 01:39:33,269 Meantime, I have another important matter to discuss. Would you excuse us? 1467 01:39:33,433 --> 01:39:35,424 Dear lady... 1468 01:39:37,673 --> 01:39:41,029 - Humphrey, sit down. - Thank you, Prime Minister. 1469 01:39:41,193 --> 01:39:45,027 I've been thinking. I feel I ought to try and lighten your load. 1470 01:39:45,673 --> 01:39:49,507 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, there's no need. 1471 01:39:49,713 --> 01:39:54,503 There is, Humphrey. Apart from everything else, you're Head of the Civil Service. 1472 01:39:54,713 --> 01:39:57,227 The Treasury handle pay and rations. 1473 01:39:57,393 --> 01:40:00,908 You handle promotions and appointments. It's a bit much. 1474 01:40:01,073 --> 01:40:04,907 No, no, no. No, no, no. Hardly takes any time. A doddle. 1475 01:40:05,113 --> 01:40:09,265 The promotion and appointment of 680,000 people a doddle? 1476 01:40:09,473 --> 01:40:11,509 Well, it's delegated. 1477 01:40:11,713 --> 01:40:17,106 If it's delegated already, there'll be no problem about moving it all to the Treasury? 1478 01:40:17,313 --> 01:40:21,829 No, that's impossible! The Treasury already have far too much power...work. 1479 01:40:23,713 --> 01:40:26,102 Yes, but you see, 1480 01:40:26,273 --> 01:40:31,267 with you responsible for promotions and appointments and them for pay and rations, 1481 01:40:31,433 --> 01:40:35,267 the lines of authority are unclear, it's a bit unsatisfactory. 1482 01:40:35,473 --> 01:40:37,941 Well, I could take over pay and rations too. 1483 01:40:38,153 --> 01:40:43,671 On top of everything else? Humphrey, I couldn't allow you to make that sort of sacrifice. 1484 01:40:43,873 --> 01:40:45,864 It's no trouble at all. 1485 01:40:46,073 --> 01:40:50,271 You're too noble, Humphrey, but I can see through your arguments. 1486 01:40:51,353 --> 01:40:53,708 Can you? 1487 01:40:53,913 --> 01:40:58,304 You want to sacrifice yourself in order to spare me worry, don't you? 1488 01:40:58,473 --> 01:41:00,464 Oh, yes. 1489 01:41:00,633 --> 01:41:04,103 No, no, no. It's hardly any... It's no sacrifice at all. 1490 01:41:04,313 --> 01:41:09,307 Humphrey, the more I think of it, the more I think you've got a bit too much on your plate. 1491 01:41:09,473 --> 01:41:14,627 I shouldn't keep you here any longer. You must have so much work to do in your own office. 1492 01:41:14,793 --> 01:41:17,865 - You mean...? - I mean you may now leave. 1493 01:41:19,913 --> 01:41:23,462 If you're wanted again at Number 10, you will be sent for. 1494 01:41:23,633 --> 01:41:26,022 - You mean when? - I mean when. 1495 01:41:27,673 --> 01:41:29,504 And if. 1496 01:41:32,313 --> 01:41:34,110 Bernard... 1497 01:41:34,273 --> 01:41:39,188 Would you ask Sir Frank Gordon from the Treasury to see me as soon as possible? 1498 01:41:46,593 --> 01:41:50,108 The Permanent Secretary of the Treasury, Prime Minister. 1499 01:41:50,313 --> 01:41:53,385 I don't want Humphrey putting his head round the door. 1500 01:41:53,593 --> 01:41:57,347 - I'll do my best. - That may not be good enough. 1501 01:41:57,553 --> 01:42:01,307 Dorothy tells me that technically Humphrey's supposed to phone you 1502 01:42:01,473 --> 01:42:04,351 before he comes through to Number 10. 1503 01:42:04,553 --> 01:42:07,067 Perhaps in theory, but it's just a formality. 1504 01:42:07,233 --> 01:42:09,622 Good. Humphrey likes formality. 1505 01:42:11,433 --> 01:42:16,223 Yes, Prime Minister, but it's a custom more honoured in the breach than in the observance. 1506 01:42:16,433 --> 01:42:21,666 Must you and Humphrey always express yourself in this roundabout and pompous way? 1507 01:42:21,833 --> 01:42:24,825 ''More honoured in the breach than in the observance!'' 1508 01:42:24,993 --> 01:42:29,828 Must you destroy the most beautiful language in the world, the language of Shakespeare? 1509 01:42:29,993 --> 01:42:32,507 That IS Shakespeare, Prime Minister. 1510 01:42:34,953 --> 01:42:37,421 I'll give Sir Humphrey your message. 1511 01:42:38,513 --> 01:42:40,504 Sit down, Frank. 1512 01:42:41,273 --> 01:42:45,266 - I wanted to sound you out about something. - Of course, Prime Minister. 1513 01:42:45,433 --> 01:42:49,824 I'm wondering if Humphrey hasn't got rather too much on his plate. 1514 01:42:50,033 --> 01:42:54,390 - I'm sure he can manage. Tremendously able. - He's not overstretched? 1515 01:42:54,593 --> 01:42:57,471 No, got it all under control. No problem there. 1516 01:42:57,633 --> 01:43:02,912 Because I was wondering, speculating about his position as Head of the Civil Service. 1517 01:43:04,353 --> 01:43:05,672 Ah. 1518 01:43:06,393 --> 01:43:10,864 It could make some sense if everything were to be transferred to the Treasury 1519 01:43:11,033 --> 01:43:14,025 if you think you could do part of Humphrey's job? 1520 01:43:14,193 --> 01:43:15,512 Oh... 1521 01:43:16,873 --> 01:43:19,341 Yes, that could make a lot of sense. 1522 01:43:19,553 --> 01:43:22,272 But if, as you say, he's not overstretched... 1523 01:43:22,473 --> 01:43:24,941 When I say ''not overstretched'', 1524 01:43:25,113 --> 01:43:29,504 I was talking in the sense of total, cumulative loading taken globally, 1525 01:43:29,673 --> 01:43:34,667 rather than in respect of certain individual and essentially anomalous responsibilities 1526 01:43:34,833 --> 01:43:38,348 which are not, logically speaking, consonant or harmonious 1527 01:43:38,513 --> 01:43:41,585 with the broad spectrum of intermeshing functions 1528 01:43:41,753 --> 01:43:45,541 and could be said to place an excessive burden on the office 1529 01:43:45,713 --> 01:43:51,231 when considered in relation to the exiguous advantages of their overall centralisation. 1530 01:43:52,073 --> 01:43:54,541 You COULD do part of Humphrey's job. 1531 01:44:01,273 --> 01:44:04,151 Ah, hello. May I speak to Sir Humphrey, please? 1532 01:44:04,313 --> 01:44:06,907 - Yes, Bernard. - Oh, hello, Sir Humphrey. 1533 01:44:09,193 --> 01:44:11,184 Oh, Sir Humphrey, hello. 1534 01:44:11,393 --> 01:44:13,861 - Hello. - Bernard here. 1535 01:44:16,073 --> 01:44:18,189 So I see. 1536 01:44:19,433 --> 01:44:23,949 - You're just the person I want to talk to. - Here I am in person. Even better. 1537 01:44:24,153 --> 01:44:27,907 Well, yes and no. Erm, Sir Humphrey... 1538 01:44:28,073 --> 01:44:30,064 Yes, Bernard? 1539 01:44:30,233 --> 01:44:35,102 The Prime Minister has asked me to remind you that it might be more convenient, 1540 01:44:35,273 --> 01:44:38,390 that is, it might involve you in less hanging around... 1541 01:44:39,473 --> 01:44:44,547 ..if you were to phone through from the Cabinet Office before popping over to see us. 1542 01:44:45,833 --> 01:44:48,666 - It's not inconvenient at all. - Yes, it is. 1543 01:44:48,833 --> 01:44:51,711 - No, it isn't. - Yes, it is. 1544 01:44:56,273 --> 01:44:58,741 - Is the Prime Minister busy? - Yes. 1545 01:44:58,913 --> 01:45:01,427 - With what? - Just paperwork. 1546 01:45:01,593 --> 01:45:05,905 - I'll just have a word with him. - He's doing his paperwork with somebody. 1547 01:45:06,073 --> 01:45:08,541 - He's got somebody with him? - Yes. 1548 01:45:08,713 --> 01:45:10,988 Who? Who, Bernard? 1549 01:45:11,473 --> 01:45:13,941 - Permanent Secretary of the Treasury. - I see. 1550 01:45:14,153 --> 01:45:18,863 If you want to see the Prime Minister, it is better to phone and ask. Sir Humphrey, no! 1551 01:45:19,073 --> 01:45:24,670 If you were to become Head of the Home Civil Service, would there, do you think, be any...? 1552 01:45:28,953 --> 01:45:31,672 - Humphrey! - Prime Minister... 1553 01:45:32,393 --> 01:45:34,623 What are you doing here? 1554 01:45:34,793 --> 01:45:37,261 I was just wondering if I could be of service. 1555 01:45:37,433 --> 01:45:40,903 - Didn't Bernard tell you I was in a meeting? - Yes, he did. 1556 01:45:41,513 --> 01:45:43,629 Well, what do you want? 1557 01:45:43,793 --> 01:45:48,992 Well, I thought that as it was with one of my professional colleagues that I might be... 1558 01:45:49,153 --> 01:45:51,144 Hello, Frank! 1559 01:45:51,313 --> 01:45:53,827 ..might be able to make a contribution. 1560 01:45:54,033 --> 01:45:56,501 I see. No, thank you. 1561 01:45:56,673 --> 01:45:58,152 Ah. 1562 01:45:59,313 --> 01:46:02,589 - Thank you, Humphrey. - Thank YOU, Prime Minister. 1563 01:46:02,753 --> 01:46:05,267 This is a private meeting, Humphrey. 1564 01:46:06,713 --> 01:46:09,989 - Do you want me to shut the door? - Yes, please. 1565 01:46:10,673 --> 01:46:12,664 No, Humphrey. 1566 01:46:13,953 --> 01:46:16,069 From the other side. 1567 01:46:17,233 --> 01:46:20,031 - May one ask why? - Perhaps I should leave... 1568 01:46:20,233 --> 01:46:24,112 - Humphrey, please leave now. - In what sense do you mean ''leave''? 1569 01:46:24,313 --> 01:46:26,031 Go! 1570 01:46:26,553 --> 01:46:29,147 Very well, Prime Minister. 1571 01:46:29,353 --> 01:46:33,869 You too, please, Frank. We'll continue this on another occasion. Bernard! 1572 01:46:35,193 --> 01:46:38,868 Why did you let Sir Humphrey come in when I told you not to? 1573 01:46:39,033 --> 01:46:41,547 I couldn't stop him. He's bigger than me. 1574 01:46:43,993 --> 01:46:47,827 He must be confined to the Cabinet Office. Lock the communicating door. 1575 01:46:48,033 --> 01:46:51,309 - He has a key. - Take his key away from him. 1576 01:46:51,513 --> 01:46:53,981 You take his key away from him! 1577 01:46:55,553 --> 01:46:58,545 Sorry, but I don't think it's within my power. 1578 01:46:58,753 --> 01:47:01,870 I'm giving you the power, Bernard. I'm authorising you. 1579 01:47:02,073 --> 01:47:04,826 But I don't know whether I... I mean... 1580 01:47:05,513 --> 01:47:06,992 Crikey! 1581 01:47:07,513 --> 01:47:09,981 He'll go completely potty. 1582 01:47:10,153 --> 01:47:12,223 (CHUCKLES) 1583 01:47:12,833 --> 01:47:15,711 - It's up to you, Bernard. - Yes, but... 1584 01:47:15,873 --> 01:47:18,307 - Freedom, Bernard. - Yes, but... 1585 01:47:18,513 --> 01:47:21,949 - I'm authorising you, Bernard. - Yes. 1586 01:47:22,153 --> 01:47:25,350 You alone will have access to the Prime Minister. 1587 01:47:25,513 --> 01:47:26,946 But... 1588 01:47:27,153 --> 01:47:30,270 But me no buts, Bernard... Shakespeare. 1589 01:47:32,073 --> 01:47:35,065 No, Prime Minister, ''but me no buts'' is circa 1820. 1590 01:47:35,233 --> 01:47:40,626 Mrs Centlivre used the phrase in 1708, but it was Scott's employment of it in 1816 1591 01:47:40,833 --> 01:47:43,301 which made it fashionable. 1592 01:47:45,153 --> 01:47:47,667 Shall we keep to the point, please, Bernard? 1593 01:47:47,833 --> 01:47:50,347 Yes, Prime Minister. There's only one problem. 1594 01:47:50,513 --> 01:47:54,791 If I'm to take his key away from him, what reason can I possibly give? 1595 01:47:54,993 --> 01:47:58,429 - For God's sake, find a reason! - Yes! Yes, Prime Minister. 1596 01:47:58,593 --> 01:48:02,029 - Thank you, Prime Minister. - Thank me no thankings, Bernard. 1597 01:48:02,713 --> 01:48:04,192 Hacker. 1598 01:48:13,873 --> 01:48:15,864 Hello, Bernard? 1599 01:48:16,033 --> 01:48:20,823 It's me. I'm coming through to Number 10. I'd like a word with the Prime Minister. 1600 01:48:21,593 --> 01:48:24,744 - What did you say? - I said ''no'', Sir Humphrey. 1601 01:48:24,953 --> 01:48:26,944 - No? - Yes. 1602 01:48:27,113 --> 01:48:29,786 That's better. I thought you said ''no''. 1603 01:48:29,993 --> 01:48:32,507 I did say ''no''. The Prime Minister is busy. 1604 01:48:32,993 --> 01:48:36,224 - Then I'll come and see YOU. - I'm busy too. 1605 01:48:36,433 --> 01:48:38,264 What? 1606 01:48:38,473 --> 01:48:43,342 - You do not have permission to come in. - I'm coming anyway! You little runt! 1607 01:48:45,513 --> 01:48:47,981 - He couldn't believe it. - What did he say? 1608 01:48:48,153 --> 01:48:52,829 He's coming anyway. He can't come in. I told Security to take his key from his office. 1609 01:48:54,313 --> 01:48:57,305 - My God! - No, Bernard, it's just your boss. 1610 01:48:58,073 --> 01:49:00,541 - I'm staggered. - I'm fairly surprised myself. 1611 01:49:00,753 --> 01:49:04,712 - How did you get through a solid door? - Where's my key? 1612 01:49:05,433 --> 01:49:09,631 The Prime Minister told me to have it removed. 1613 01:49:09,833 --> 01:49:13,348 - That's quite correct. - It's nothing to do with you. Thank you. 1614 01:49:13,513 --> 01:49:16,869 The Prime Minister does not have the power to take my key. 1615 01:49:17,033 --> 01:49:19,547 - It's his house. - It's a government building. 1616 01:49:19,753 --> 01:49:25,271 It's his decision who comes into his house. I don't give my mother-in-law my house key. 1617 01:49:25,473 --> 01:49:28,670 I am not the Prime Minister's mother-in-law, Bernard! 1618 01:49:31,353 --> 01:49:33,628 Look, Bernard... 1619 01:49:34,393 --> 01:49:38,705 - Would you excuse us, dear lady? - Yes, carry on. 1620 01:49:41,953 --> 01:49:45,070 Bernard, I don't want us to fall out over this. 1621 01:49:46,353 --> 01:49:49,186 It's so petty of the Prime Minister. 1622 01:49:49,673 --> 01:49:54,667 You and I will have to work together for some years yet, but Prime Ministers come and go. 1623 01:49:55,353 --> 01:49:59,585 Whereas your career prospects depend upon those who have the power 1624 01:49:59,753 --> 01:50:03,109 over promotions and appointments on a long-term basis. 1625 01:50:03,833 --> 01:50:06,506 I must insist you tell me how you came in. 1626 01:50:07,633 --> 01:50:10,272 - Sorry. - You must have a personal key. 1627 01:50:10,433 --> 01:50:13,186 Now, I insist you hand it over! 1628 01:50:16,753 --> 01:50:19,142 Well done, Bernard. 1629 01:50:23,713 --> 01:50:25,943 Hello, is that Security? 1630 01:50:26,113 --> 01:50:30,584 Change the locks on the door connecting the Cabinet Office to this house 1631 01:50:30,753 --> 01:50:32,983 and bring me all the keys. 1632 01:50:33,153 --> 01:50:35,428 Yes, all the keys! At once! 1633 01:50:37,993 --> 01:50:40,507 Right, well, thank you, gentlemen. 1634 01:50:42,593 --> 01:50:45,061 - Oh, Frank! - Yes? 1635 01:50:48,353 --> 01:50:50,662 Good meeting with the PM? 1636 01:50:50,833 --> 01:50:52,824 Yes, very good. 1637 01:50:52,993 --> 01:50:55,461 Any particular subject come up? 1638 01:50:55,633 --> 01:50:58,227 Any particular subject you're interested in? 1639 01:50:58,393 --> 01:51:00,543 No, not particularly. 1640 01:51:01,233 --> 01:51:05,590 - He didn't talk about service appointments? - It may have cropped up. 1641 01:51:05,753 --> 01:51:08,745 Did he foreshadow any redistribution of responsibility? 1642 01:51:08,953 --> 01:51:11,342 It was a wide-ranging discussion. 1643 01:51:12,153 --> 01:51:14,621 Did it move towards any conclusion? 1644 01:51:14,833 --> 01:51:17,301 There were arguments on both sides. 1645 01:51:18,873 --> 01:51:20,864 Evenly balanced? 1646 01:51:21,033 --> 01:51:24,423 Perhaps tending slightly more one way than the other. 1647 01:51:25,793 --> 01:51:29,786 - But nothing to worry about? - Nothing for ME to worry about. 1648 01:51:30,553 --> 01:51:32,942 See you this afternoon. 1649 01:51:42,793 --> 01:51:45,261 Bernard, I'm coming through to Number 10. 1650 01:51:45,473 --> 01:51:47,907 Sir Humphrey, it is not convenient. 1651 01:51:48,113 --> 01:51:50,183 I'm coming anyway! 1652 01:51:50,353 --> 01:51:52,787 He thinks he's coming anyway. 1653 01:52:09,953 --> 01:52:12,467 Open this door! Open this door! 1654 01:52:15,313 --> 01:52:18,111 You'll pay for this! Open the bloody door! 1655 01:52:49,993 --> 01:52:52,507 I'm sorry, sir. Do you have an appointment? 1656 01:52:53,033 --> 01:52:57,185 - I'm Sir Humphrey Appleby. - I know. Do you have an appointment? 1657 01:52:57,353 --> 01:53:01,710 - I'm the Cabinet Secretary! - Yes, sir. Do you have an appointment? 1658 01:53:01,873 --> 01:53:05,104 I don't need an appointment. I've got a pass! 1659 01:53:05,313 --> 01:53:07,383 May I see it, sir? 1660 01:53:11,953 --> 01:53:13,944 If you insist. 1661 01:53:15,033 --> 01:53:17,388 All right now? 1662 01:53:17,553 --> 01:53:21,148 No, sir, that's a Cabinet Office pass, not a Number 10 pass. 1663 01:53:21,313 --> 01:53:25,704 - You know me, damn it! - There's a new top security instruction, sir. 1664 01:53:25,873 --> 01:53:31,072 No one may enter without a Number 10 pass unless they're on the daily list. 1665 01:53:31,753 --> 01:53:34,392 Unless Mr Bernard Woolley gives permission. 1666 01:53:34,593 --> 01:53:38,347 - Would you like me to phone Mr Woolley, sir? - Yes... No. 1667 01:53:39,713 --> 01:53:41,988 - Yes. - Was that a ''yes'', sir? 1668 01:53:45,153 --> 01:53:46,472 Yes. 1669 01:53:48,513 --> 01:53:52,506 I have Sir Humphrey Appleby here wishing to enter by the front door. 1670 01:53:52,673 --> 01:53:55,471 Ask Mr Woolley if he may be admitted. 1671 01:53:55,673 --> 01:53:58,028 (RADIO CRACKLES) 1672 01:54:01,513 --> 01:54:06,792 They can't find Mr Woolley at the moment and he left no word, so we can't let you in. 1673 01:54:33,513 --> 01:54:35,902 Oh, look, it's Humphrey! 1674 01:54:46,353 --> 01:54:48,821 (ALARM GOES OFF) 1675 01:54:53,513 --> 01:54:57,108 - Turn that noise off! - It's all right. It's only Sir Humphrey. 1676 01:54:57,273 --> 01:55:00,470 (PRIME MINISTER) It's all right. I'm perfectly safe! 1677 01:55:03,913 --> 01:55:06,108 (ALARM STOPS) 1678 01:55:07,353 --> 01:55:10,390 Sir Humphrey, to what do we owe this pleasure? 1679 01:55:12,153 --> 01:55:16,385 Prime Minister, I must protest in the strongest possible terms... 1680 01:55:17,153 --> 01:55:21,066 my profound opposition to a newly instituted practice 1681 01:55:21,233 --> 01:55:24,350 which imposes severe and intolerable restrictions 1682 01:55:24,513 --> 01:55:28,506 upon the ingress and egress of senior members of the hierarchy 1683 01:55:28,673 --> 01:55:33,064 which will, should the current deplorable innovation be perpetuated, 1684 01:55:33,233 --> 01:55:36,623 precipitate a constriction of the channels of communication 1685 01:55:36,793 --> 01:55:40,911 and culminate in organisational atrophy and administrative paralysis 1686 01:55:41,073 --> 01:55:46,067 which will render impossible the coherent discharge of the function of government 1687 01:55:46,233 --> 01:55:50,749 within Her Majesty's United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. 1688 01:55:52,873 --> 01:55:55,341 You mean you've lost your key? 1689 01:55:58,313 --> 01:56:01,589 Prime Minister, I must insist upon a new one. 1690 01:56:01,793 --> 01:56:06,787 In due course, Humphrey. At the appropriate juncture. In the fullness of time. 1691 01:56:07,793 --> 01:56:13,345 Meanwhile, we have another important, more urgent decision to make about Dorothy's office. 1692 01:56:13,553 --> 01:56:16,545 - Quite. - Surely that can wait. 1693 01:56:16,753 --> 01:56:19,472 It must be resolved now, one way or the other. 1694 01:56:19,633 --> 01:56:22,227 It's like the question of the key really. 1695 01:56:22,713 --> 01:56:25,227 I'd be interested to hear your views. 1696 01:56:25,393 --> 01:56:27,907 They are really the KEY to the problem. 1697 01:56:29,193 --> 01:56:31,184 What do you think? 1698 01:56:31,353 --> 01:56:32,866 Well, I... 1699 01:56:33,033 --> 01:56:39,427 I think perhaps on reflection that Mrs Wainwright does need to be nearer this room. 1700 01:56:40,313 --> 01:56:42,781 So we'll move her back, shall we? 1701 01:56:43,273 --> 01:56:44,752 Yes. 1702 01:56:45,713 --> 01:56:47,704 At once? 1703 01:56:47,873 --> 01:56:49,431 Yes. 1704 01:56:49,633 --> 01:56:52,909 Splendid. Bernard, do you have a spare key? 1705 01:57:00,793 --> 01:57:03,068 Prime Minister... 1706 01:57:04,993 --> 01:57:08,429 There is...one other question, Prime Minister. 1707 01:57:09,553 --> 01:57:14,627 May one enquire who is to be Head of the Home Civil Service? 1708 01:57:14,833 --> 01:57:16,824 Why, you, Humphrey. 1709 01:57:16,993 --> 01:57:18,984 Or possibly Frank. 1710 01:57:20,393 --> 01:57:22,987 Or perhaps both. I haven't decided yet. 1711 01:57:23,553 --> 01:57:26,147 But whatever happens, it's my decision. 1712 01:57:27,113 --> 01:57:29,104 Isn't it, Humphrey? 1713 01:57:29,713 --> 01:57:32,147 Yes, Prime Minister.